Pilgrim's Progress

Fat of the Land

No, not the Prodigy album.

It’s what the children of Israel ate the day they entered the Promised Land. That day, the manna stopped. It was time to leave behind the desert sustenance, and begin to enjoy the richness of the land they were entering.

Finally, after months of searching, I have found some paid employment. It is only temporary, for a few hours a week, but it’s a great start. It makes amazing use of my skills, gifts and experience – so much so that it really seems like a divine set up!

I’ll be lecturing in ICT (that’s computers, basically) to trainee teachers at a local university. I got the post through someone in church who works there already.

Funny thing is that every week for the last three months or so, mystery donors have been handing me money in an envelope, until last week, when they stopped coming. Almost immediately, I sensed God dropping this story into my mind … “the envelopes were the manna to keep you going in the desert … but it;s time to eat the fat of the land.” That very afternoon, the new job appeared on the horizon … thank you Father!

Still “In Relentless Pursuit of REAL”

I thank God for the people in my life who are pursuing REAL and who encourage me to do that too.

This week I’ve had an extended conversation with a former Bible college tutor about our souls, and our journeys. I felt life coming into me as we talked and prayed. I also hung put with some friends from church, and I knew we were getting below the skin of things. I felt more alive afterwards. And then I had the chance to meet up with someone who wanted to chat about where he’s headed. I came away with a renewed determination to keep it real.

This is where it’s at for me.

I really don’t know where I’ll be in six months’ time, but I do know this. I want to be more REAL than ever, and encouraging others to be real too.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Co 3:17-18)

Soul Food

For years, I have loved this prayer by St Anselm of Canterbury. However, I just discovered it’s been compiled (or gleaned maybe) from Anselm’s Discourse on the Existence of God.

I love the original prayer, but the full discourse is even richer. Anselm seems more concerned, at the outset of his discourse, to actually experience God, rather than simply theorise about the idea of divine encounter. George Muller understood this too, in his pamphlet, Soul Nourishment First.

I realise my soul has grown hungry and lean again, and it’s time to seek out some rich soul food. Here are some extracts from Anselm’s Discourse that grab me as I set out again in search of a well-fed soul.

 

‘Cast aside, now, thy burdensome cares, and put away thy toilsome business. Yield room for some little time to God; and rest for a little time in him.

Enter the inner chamber of thy mind; shut out all thoughts save that of God, and such as can aid thee in seeking him; close thy door and seek him.

Speak now, my whole heart! speak now to God, saying, I seek thy face; thy face, Lord, will I seek, (Psalms 27:8). And come thou now, O Lord my God, teach my heart where and how it may seek thee, where and how it may find thee.’ (St Anselm: Discourse)

 

Fear Him, Seek Him - Don't Be Practical All the Time!

I'm amazed. Twice in the last week people have handed me an envelope with gifts of money in. On the first occasion, I had given a gift to a local prayer group to help cover event costs the previous day, and the envelope given to me contained the same amount as I'd given.

Today, a new insight struck me from a familiar Psalm - two kinds of people who do not live in lack:

Fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
(Ps 34:9-10)

I am currently seeking work, and money is an issue. But the practicalities must not consume all my energy and time. The Psalm urges us to set our hearts both to fear the Lord, and seek him.

And if we seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, all our needs will be supplied, sometimes in unexpected ways. May you be surprised by the generosity and provision of God!

Seek His Face

Am discovering the joys of digital natural media painting. It's easier than you think and more rewarding than I ever imagined.

Lots of seeking the face of God at the moment as I try to discern his leading. That seeking takes many forms: a cry, a shout, a song, a prayer, a groan, a whisper.

Getting Away From It All

It's all happening isn't it? Swine flu, credit crunch, and all the rest. And personally, it's all happening too, isn't it? And you know people who're going through it. Wouldn't it be nice to get on a plane and leave it all behind? Someone's been here before ...

I said, "Oh that I had the wings of a dove
I would fly away and be at rest;
I would flee far away an stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and the storm."
(Ps 55:6-8)

All of us would love to have a Fantasy Island (see image) - a place where we could escape to, and shut it all out. But that isn't an option we have. Instead ...

But I call out to God
and the Lord saves me.
Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.
(Ps 55:16-17)

Don't keep quiet. Don't keep it in. Let it out. Get others to make a noise with you, for you.

And let's keep making a noise to God for a broken world, a world in desperate need.

Christus Victor

I don't know what happened last night, but something changed. After feeling like I was walking in a spiritual desert for the last three weeks, unable to connect with God in any meaningful way, there was a quiet, but tangible sense that something was different. It felt like my prayers had finally achieved a little breakthrough and that something had shifted in the heavenlies.

Easter means many things, but it speaks of the wonderful breakthrough that Jesus accomplished. The breakthrough that makes all other breakthroughs possible.

Last week, on the shelf in my car boot, there were two little twigs which had fallen in the shape of a cross. I'm not sure how they got there, but I think they pointed me to this moment.

This morning I read the bit in Matthew 27 where Jesus is in the tomb, and the authorities try to prevent the body being snatched. It struck me that these extra measures only served to convince thousands that he really did rise, and the angel seems to mock their efforts by sitting on the rolled-away stone.

I am still waiting for many breakthroughs, but for now, I am grateful for renewed confidence that it's on its way. Here's my attempt to express this in visual form.

A Prayer Crucified Jesus, You smashed through all our bonds and set us free. Come through for us, for a broken world. Let your breakthrough be our breakthroughs. And so, this Easter Saturday, This waiting, seeking, searching, wondering time, When Jesus has been crucified but not yet raised, may the breakthrough of Jesus come through for you, however long you've been waiting.

A New Season

 

So I'm back. What a 9 months it's been. It will take me some time to process it, if I ever fully can. In an unexpected way I've come back with a sense of inner momentum, and a desire to "pick up where I left off in Canada."

Even already, it's been a time of reconnecting with old friends and feeling pretty reconnected, even after a week.

As for the future, no idea yet, but the call is to live in the present, to "seek Him in the wild places", and see what unfolds.

Homeward Bound

>> Canada Files: Day 279

And so it ends, for now. Many great sendoffs this week as I prepare to return to the UK on Tuesday, to embark on the next chapter of this adventure.

I'm bringing home a truckload of great memories, the love of many new friends, and the riches of nine months spent in a great nation among some very special people, living in a town that has found a place in my heart.

Farewell for now, Canada, I hope to set foot on your soil again soon.

So this is me, signing off from Canadian communications.

<< TRANSMISSON ENDS >>

Setting Sail Again

>> Canada Files: Day 260

And so the adventure continues. I'll be flying back to the UK on 3rd March. I nearly wrote "flying home" but I'm really not sure where that is!

Over these 9 months I've grown to love this town, with all its beauty and brokenness, with its rich kaleidoscope of people and cultures, and I think I've felt more belonging here than I have for some time. There are so many nationalities here that I don't feel like an outsider, but more importantly, it seemed like I was planted in a place of rich relationship and fellowship, growth and encouragement, and challenge too.

I believe I will return to Canada at some point, for a longer spell, but it is not at all clear to me how or when this might happen. It feels like there is "unfinished business" for me here.

"When called to a country he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going ...
He made his home in the promised land, like a stranger in a foreign country ..." (Heb 11)

This all seems some way off yet, and the practical issues of "what now" are uppermost. I still have a car and some stored goods in the UK, and I also welcome the opportunity to visit family and friends.

I wrote some years ago (here) that my life felt like a series of "spider jumps" into the unknown - well I'm about to make another one.

To my UK friends and family - I look forward to catching up with you very soon.
To my Canadian friends and "family" - I pray it isn't too long before we meet again.

God is With Us

>> Canada Files: Day 190

Christmas meditations have started earlier than usual for me this year. It's partly down to the snow, the Christmas lights here in Hamilton, Ontario. It helps too that Hamilton downtown looks like Bedford Falls (from the film "It's a Wonderful Life") when it snows.

Another factor is the amazing fractal images (see Wikipedia) produced by an amazing free program called Apophysis, which have opened up meditation on the incarnation of Christ and our own creation in a wonderful way.

Although I'm loving being here in Canada, I'm finding life quite tough here in some respects - the constant pressure of living off savings without income, of wondering where it's all headed, of not having a car, a job etc, of not qualifying for healthcare, is weighing quite heavily on me at the moment. But I'm far from alone in feeling the pressure of daily life.

A Prayer Lord Jesus Christ, Incarnate Son, Be born in us today. I can't wait till December 25th for your coming. I really need you now, today, everyday. I ask this also for all those who are on my heart today and for a world in pain.

A Prayer in Pictures

The last few days have been sunny and warm, so I took full advantage and headed for the hills with my (dying) Canon Powershot. The last week and a bit has been quite heavy going, but the beauty of creation has not entirely passed me by :)

These images are my prayer, that the wonder of God's goodness would not only be seen in the trees and the beauty of creation, but in all of the situations which feel heavy at the moment.

Lessons From The Firing Range

It's been a good day. I had my first go at archery. Here's the bow ... not just any bow, but a "recurve hunting bow, right Dave? And here's my first bull's eye. The remaining arrows are somewhere in the long grass ... so I'm a real man now - it's official :)

Sometimes it's good to do fun things for the sake of having fun. Today was fun, but I realise it reminded me of some key lessons too about being in Canada.

There's a lot going on, many "targets" I could be aiming at. I've said "yes" and "no" many times already. And at the moment, GOHOP (the prayer community) is growing to take on new challenges and decide what our "targets" are.

The Apostle Paul talks a bit about hitting targets, in different language.

"We will not boast beyond our boundaries,
but we will boast within the boundaries
of the assignment that God has handed us ..."
(2 Cor 10:13)

So what lessons might be gleaned from the archery shoot?

1. Get the "feel" of a good shot. When I do creative stuff that seems to connect people with God, I hit my "sweet spot" (like in church this morning when I had a chance to do some art stuff in the service). I was suddenly aware of God's pleasure as we were engaging in it.
2. Know your targets. When I hit the target, there's an "allriiight", but when I agree to do things which are off target, it drains my energy.
3. "Work the muscles that matter." Shoulder & back muscles are important in archery and mine were only conditioned enough to fire off 12 shots.

I've a growing sense my main target may well be something to do with proclaiming the Kingdom of God through the creative arts, both to the body of Christ (through worship, prayer etc) and also to the wider community.

Meditation & Prayer What are your (main) targets? What muscles do you need to exercise to get better at hitting your targets? What is the "feel" you get when you hit your targets? He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver. 3 He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will display my splendour.” (Is 49:2-3). Lord, take all that I am; And hide me in the place of preparation. There, Lord, polish my roughness, straighten by crookedness, That when the moments of release come, I might fly straight to the target.

Order & Chaos

>> Canada Files: Day 129

Yes, it really is 4 months since I arrived, and it's almost a month since the last blog post. It isn't that nothing's happening - it's more that EVERYTHING is happening, and there is too much to say. Most of the news has gone into my prayer letter which went out yesterday.

I'm beginning to understand the hand of God in a larger way. So many things have begun to come into focus, and to merge to form what looks like a coherent picture.

I am beginning to emerge into a land of promise here - many things I've prayed for for a long time and sought after are starting to come into view - questions about vocation, creativity, and just what I'm supposed to do with my life are beginning to find satisfying answers. I pray this is "The End of the Wilderness" for a season anyway.

Here is a little tune I put together today, around the theme of "Order & Chaos" - my life feels both ordered and chaotic at the moment. Many foundations are being laid, but so much is up in the air right now, but somehow I feel confident that there is a greater purpose over it all.

Meditation4 - Order & Chaos A higher quality version is available for use in Christian worship & ministry. Download (96K MP3)

 

Free Us from the Flickering Image

>> Canada Files: Day 081

I love the freedom to experiment with new technologies in worship that being in GOHOP affords. Most recently, this involved creating improvised visuals during a prayer set. This is a screengrab of a great package called Resolume.

But I sense a warning in this. We live in a world filled with flickering images. Neil Postman, in his 1985 book "Amusing Ourselves to Death" warned of the dangers for a generation weaned on flickering images. He warned of how overstimulation desensitizes us, and programs us to become passive and unresponsive, and may even impair mentional functioning.

So how can this technology be harnessed for good, and not just to amuse or entertain?

So here is a "visual prayer" - perhaps the cry of my own heart that we don't just make things worse, or push people further into passivity, but rather take this technology captive for the glory of God in our time. Maybe it's also a kind of visual intercession - the cry of a generation trapped in a cycle of overstimulation and addiction.

A Prayer in 2 Languages (verbal and visual) Lord, set me free from the flickering image And the addicition to constant stimulation. Still the inner noise so that I can be still enough To discern the things that matter.

Running to Win

>> Canada Files: Day 068

It's nearly Olympic time again. It's about 12 hours ahead of us, so I'm expecting a few late nights!

The Olympics are rich with spiritual parallels ... running to win, living for a long term vision, learning from failure and so on. There are some interesting insights from top athletes here ...

Bill Sweetenham, the former British Olympic swimming coach, once said:

"The Olympics is an exacting and demanding environment:
If there is any flaw in your character
or your personal preparation,
The Olympics will find it!"

Being in Canada, being a parish minister, has certainly done that with great (and sometimes painful) clarity. But it has also drawn out the best in me.

The best coaches are gentle and tough by turns - drawing out our strengths, working on our weaknesses. I have learned a great deal about the ways of our great "Coach" this last 8 years ...

"Do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves ..." (Heb 12:5)

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust. (Ps 103:13-14)

And so, in this Olympic year, a prayer:

A Prayer Lord, as I run this Olympic race And undergo its daily rigours My heart lies exposed. The race so far has stripped me of much self-delusion I know my flaws and my fallenness only too well. I am not yet the person you are making me. But your love is relentless and your discipline unending. Lord, have mercy. Finish your work in me. And yet, Lord The race so far has also revealed deep reserves Of courage and determination, and buried gold And a longing to make it to the finish. Lord, have mercy Draw out your life in me. And so, Lord, in this Olympic year I submit to your training again: Forgive what is sinful Heal what is broken Draw out what is strong That I may finish the race and receive the prize. Lord, have mercy Run the race with me.

I Shall Lack Nothing

>> Canada Files: Day 052

I'm definitely in "Phase 2" now. The novelty has worn off - the novelty of being in Canada, soaking in the new cultural experience, the novelty of doing exciting new things in creative worship, of meeting new people and so on.

My last post hinted that I was having to dig deeper. For the last couple of weeks it's been harder to find a tangible sense of God's presence anywhere - at home, at church, at GOHOP. So what then?

From the best bliss that earth imparts
We turn unfilled to Thee again

All of this has led to a renewed call to seek God again, not for his "benefits" but simply for his presence.

So on Tuesday, I went for a long walk, up the escarpment, along into town and down again - about 6 miles I think. The photo above is a panoramic view from the escarpment. And the prayer inside me was "Lord, I'm coming to find you." Nothing dramatic happened, but the next day, on my usual half hour walk to the prayer house, I felt an inner "thaw". I found the first verse of Psalm 23 playing round and round in my mind, over and over, getting richer all the time:

The Lord is my Shepherd
Therefore, I lack nothing.

And so this is Phase 2. I felt challenged that my spiritual food was not to be the buzz of doing creative worship sessions, but simply of seeking God persistently until I found him.

A Prayer O Lord our God, grant us grace to desire Thee with our whole heart, that so desiring, we may seek and find Thee; and so finding Thee we may love Thee; and loving Thee we may hate those sins from which Thou hast redeemed us; for the sake of Jesus Christ. St. Anselm

Clear Blue Skies?

>> Canada Files: Day 041

The weather is really great at the moment (I guess I've just alienated any UK readers!). The air is warm and the sky is clear and a light breeze keeps things cool.

But in other ways, the "weather" seems quite overcast, both inwardly and outwardly. Life seems pretty much "in the raw", with a lot of people going through a lot of stuff, both in the prayer room community and elsewhere. And the internal battles are still there (funnily enough!).

I'm having to "dig deep" at the moment to live once again from the deeper streams of faith, and not from the tangible delights of meeting God face to face. But then a lot of folk here are doing that too.

So it turns out that my 6 years in Liverpool area, in parish ministry, living alone, facing real life etc. have been a vital preparation for this new phase.

Maybe there's a lesson here - if your circumstances require you to remember everything you've learned, and raise your game, then you are growing and moving forward. If you can afford to let it go, then you're not.

A Prayer Stand with me, O God, at the storm's eye; Anchor me in the unshakeable things, Refresh me from the deeper streams Feed me with your living words. Amen.

He Shall Have Dominion

>> Canada Files: Day 036

I learned the other day that Canada's full name is "The Dominion of Canada". The founding fathers took this name from Psalm 72:8 - "he shall have dominion from sea to sea." And today is "Canada Day", formerly called "Dominion Day".

Much of what we're praying for at GOHOP is for the Lord's glory and dominion to be re-established here, and in the nations.

The above image came out of this, and it was connected with Malachi 3 - "The Lord will suddenly come to his temple."

A Prayer Lord, on this day, Dominion Day We pray that you will reveal your glory in your church and in the land again. May you subdue the nations under your godly rule again.

TM's Travels

>> Canada Files: Day 023

Whoopee! Monkey and I have got a gig on July 4th - doing an ambient set at the Freeway Coffee House, which is "an innovative, non-profit, fair trade coffee house and community commons in Hamilton, that was started in October 2005 and is committed to re-investing in the local and global community." They also have lots of live music.

You can see us mixing a track on the laptop in an earlier post, so now we're doing it live.

Here is a photo of us in the Freeway Cafe (with the stage in the right background). More later ...

Come and Find Me

>> Canada Files: Day 019

Has been a mixture of a day today. We went to church this morning, and I wasn't really in the mood. Today it felt like someone else's church, someone else's city. And then it was Father's day and the vast majority of the guys in church are married or are dads (they hauled all the guys out and made sure everyone was covered, which was nice). But a few reasons to feel I didn't belong.

So I walked around at the back, trying to find the way in to worship, and the Father's presence. And then out the blue, it found me. I opened my Bible at nowhere in particular, and there was Psalm 139, such familiar words. But there was a new promise contained there today:

Even if I rise on the wings of the dawn (I rose at 5:30am for a 9am flight)
And settle on the far side of the sea (Canada)
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.

And it seemed to set a seal around this whole crazy trip.

And it also reminds me that no matter where we go in search of God, sometimes it might be better to stand still and let him find us.

And the blessings kept on coming ... a real sense of Gods touch in the prayer time in the service ... the friends I'm staying with remembered it was my birthday this week ...

A Prayer Wherever you are Whether you've "settled" for now May his hand guide you and hold you fast.

TM's Travels

>> Canada Files: Day 016

No-one should travel without a few trusty companions. I smuggled two little friends into Canada with me and they're following me round. You've already seen them helping me remix a track on my laptop.

The little bear is called "TM". We have a phrase back home - when someone's about to travel we pray for "travelling mercies". A couple of friends in the UK told me they imagine travelling mercies to be little furry creatures, and gave me my own "travelling mercy" (TM) to bring with me. Here is TM and his sidekick, Cheeky Monkey (CM), scoffing a Tim Horton's doughnut (or donut) in downtown Hamilton.

And so TM will be posting from time to time to tell you what he and CM have been up to.

There is a point to this too ... the friends who gave me TM are, I think, "modern monks" (someone called me this the other day) - pilgrims trying to live prayerfully in the thick of the community and see transformed lives through the power of the Holy Spirit. This is what "Punk Monk" is all about (see previous post).

So here's to all you Punk Monks out there, who often feel at odds with the system or the categories you're supposed to fit into, but who are following your call nonetheless.

Gathering Storm

>> Canada Files: Day 015

This image has been in my mind for the last few days, as I've spent a lot of time with people who are praying for God's glory to be released over the nations again.

There is a real sense of gathering momentum here, a sense that God is putting things into place in preparation for something big.

There is also a growing call for the "grass roots" side of revival too - the relational, incarnational work of being among people in Jesus' name.

I'm feeling drawn to both aspects, but not sure how they connect just yet!

See, I Am Doing A New Thing

>> Canada Files: Day 014

Yes, I know, that was God speaking. But I'm doing loads of new things as well ...

1. Jazz Piano. One of the other new faces at GOHOP is a trained jazz trumpeter, and he gave me a lesson in basic jazz piano today. I've wanted to learn this for a long time, and now it's dropped into my lap.
2. Playing with Analogue Synthesizers. If you aren't into gadgets, just move on to no.3! One of the other GOHOP worship people builds his own electronic musical instruments and they are such great fun to play on. But more than this - we share a desire to use all this gear in an atmosphere of worship and intercession.
3. Prophetic Prayer classes. I caught the last two sessions of an evening class on prophetic prayer and it was really good, and, I am pleased to say, really "normal" and down to earth.

Oh, and I finally found the perfect church - it does exist and it's right here in Hamilton!

Is This It, Lord?

>> Canada Files: Day 012

So I'm here, sitting in the Toronto Airport Church live mixing a track. It's the final day of a Creative Arts conference - so many creative people under one roof, I'm surprised it didn't cave in or something.

The doors of opportunity are flying open at the moment. Yesterday evening a few of us did a live set in the art gallery here at the conference. And there is an open door to do some worship at some local churches too.

There is so much creative arts stuff going on in the Toronto and Hamilton area that it really feels like I've been brought here for such a time as this ...

I've only been here a couple of weeks and it feels like I'm at home already. A few settling in issues remain, but a lot of the main things are sorted now - domestic stuff, buses, mobile phone and so on.

At one point in the film Shadowlands, C.S. Lewis (Anthony Hopkins) says "I'm here now. I'm no longer looking around the next corner. And I'm happy." And so I wonder - is this it, Lord? Are things finally going to start falling into place?

>>> TRANSMISSION ENDS

This is me signing out ...

Next transmission will be from across the Atlantic.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>                                                 >>
>> SIGNOFF: UK_Haydock: 10:41_26:05:08             >>
>>                                                 >>
>> TRANSMISSION ENDS                               >>
>>                                                 >>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

What I Learned From the Birds Today

The last few mornings I've been woken up by a chorus of loud cheeping right above the bedroom window. I glanced out the kitchen window this afternoon to see a few little chicks (starlings?) padding around on the patio at the back, looking quite vulnerable and helpless as they faced the world.

The adults birds were there too, but they seemed to come and go. One flew in, dropped some food into the chick's mouth, and then disappeared again.

I grabbed my camera and tiptoed over towards them, but they didn't move, or flinch, or try to escape. They haven't learned to be afraid of humans yet.

Previous blog posts have touched on this, but the last few years in ministry have been like this:

1. Being thrust, feeling ill-prepared, into the real world and having to just get on with the business of learning to fly. There is guidance and help, but not 24/7 and there are many times where no-one is around, and you have to dig deep and remember what you've learned. I am eternally grateful to God for those times.
2. Often feeling exposed and insecure, and wanting to run for cover, but knowing I'd be running in the wrong direction if (and when!) I did that.
3. Sometimes coming up against strong influences or people who, by virtue of their position or personality, have a measure of power over you, and you end up wondering how you'll come out of it.
4. Sometimes not being sure where the nest is.

But underneath all this, I know my faith has deepened a great deal - it just had to. And somehow I can say (without being syrupy) that I know, through the indwelling Holy Spirit, that there is a great, mighty, kind, eternal, loving presence that is watching over the whole thing, even though he isn't always tangibly present, but stands back, like a good parent, to allow us to find our courage and discover the capabilities he's given us.

And the one who takes care of the birds is more than able to look after us.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Mt 6:26).

A number of practical and timely encouragements in my preparations for Canada have brought this home to me again e.g. people offering things I was about to ask for (storage boxes and so on). There is a growing list of these "coincidences". 

And so, as I prepare to be flicked out of the nest again, a prayer:

Father,
Who cares for the birds,
Who, though ten a penny, feast daily at the table of your providence,
Teach me to live like one more valued than a bird,
And grant my heart the serenity of one eternally encircled
The bounty of one richly provided for
And the trust of one tenderly cared for.
Amen.

Everlasting God

Less than 3 weeks till I fly to Canada. Packing and preparing to move is my main task now, but there is time to prepare in other ways.

GOHOP (the prayer community I'll be hanging out with) use a model of creative prayer called "Harp and Bowl" (from Revelation 5). It offers some helpful ways into spontaneous worship and prayer. You can read more about it here.

I've a growing sense that the main purpose of the times in Canada is to draw close to God along with others seeking to do the same, and that the creative stuff will serve that greater end. And so today began with a meditation on Psalm 90. As I pondered this, I started to put a tune together round the theme of "Everlasting God".

Everlasting God (96K MP3; 8 mins; 5.5MB) Right click and select "Save Target As..." Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

I heard that something like revival seems to have broken out in Florida and is spreading worldwide. Not quite sure what I think about it yet, but whatever is going on, I'm reminded again that underneath all our endeavours is an everlasting God whose purposes stand firm throughout all generations.

Show yourself to us again, O Lord.
In our day, reveal your power again ...

It Started With One Glance

Literally.

We were on our way to a baseball game (Toronto Bluejays at the Skydome) and someone points out the window, and says "there's a new prayer community called GOHOP (Greater Ontario House of Prayer) that meets in that building" (which houses a large Christian broadcasting company - shown on the right).

And so the seed was sown.

To cut a long story short, one thing led to another, and I'm going to be involved with GOHOP for a few months doing creative stuff\prayer\worship\intercession and so on, that same building.

So from that once glance, a seed was sown, which grew over the months into an idea, into a possibility, and finally into a reality.

This has happened before. Other big life changes have been triggered by seemingly insignificant events - a word, a throwaway comment, a thought that came from nowhere.

And so my prayer is that each of us will learn to live more attentively, to be alert to these "glances" that might be the beginning of something significant.

I'm hoping to chart the journey here in coming months ... so watch this space!

One Way Ticket

This is it. This is my last full week in my current post. After 6 years in parish ministry in the UK, I'm taking a sabbatical in Canada with a community of Christians who meet to pray in all kinds of creative ways. This will involve such things as laptop DJing, digital art, improvised worship, prayer and intercession and so on.

I'm looking forward to a change of scene, of pace, and of focus for a while. As well as being a positive step in itself, it's also a chance to think about the future. It's time to step back and have a fresh look at things.

After that I have no idea what will happen. As things stand I'm heading to Canada on a one way ticket, without a job or a home to come back to. It feels a bit like this ...

This trip captures everything that Pilgrim's Progress blog has been about in its 3 years. Living every day with a desire to be in God's house, but until that day finally comes, to journey with that glorious destination in mind, to live intentionally, and to seek to live by what is REAL. I've fallen far short of this too often, but it remains my goal.

Psalm 84 captures it ...

Blessed are those whose stronghold[1] is in you
In whose hearts are pilgrim highways.
They grow in warrior courage
Till each of them appears before God in Zion.

Notes:
[1] Stronghold. Translates a word that means refuge, place of strength.
[2] Warrior Courage. The Hebrew word commonly translates as "army", "valour" or "might".

P.S. Pilgrim's Progress will keep running - that's the beauty of the web - I can update it from anywhere, and I hope to post some of the art & music that emerges from my involvement with the folks over there.

Music for Easter Part 1

Three tunes for Easter - a couple are from animations which are too large to post unfortunately. The three below focus on the story up to the crucifixion. I will post some resurrection ones soon.

I've really felt drawn in to the journey of Jesus in a fresh way this year, and some of the the moods and scenes of that journey have suggested some musical ideas, which are posted here.

I Have Desired To Eat This Meal With You (96K MP3; 4 mins; 3.5MB) TThe Agony of Christ (96K MP3; 4mins; 3.5MB) It Is Finished (96K MP3; 1:30; 1.4MB) Right click and select "Save Target As..." Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

Staring at the Son

But as each of us looks at the glory of the Lord with our faces uncovered,
We are transformed to be like the one we look at,
becoming more glorious each time we look.
All this is the work of the Lord, who is the Spirit.
(2 Cor 3:18, paraphrased)

Soul Expansion

During our recent 24-7 prayer here in church, someone showed me this wonderful prayer in the Northumbria Community prayer book (Celtic Daily Prayer). It expresses so many inner things so concisely ...

Lord, help me now to unclutter my life,
to organise myself in the direction of simplicity.

Lord, teach me to listen to my heart;
teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it.

Lord, I give You these stirrings inside me,
I give You my discontent,
I give You my restlessness,
I give You my doubt
I give You my despair
I give You all the longings I hold inside.

Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth;
to listen seriously and follow where they lead,
through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.

And so to the latest tune - "Soundtrack to an Expanded Life". Reminds me of earlier stuff which felt like "my soul getting free."

Soundtrack For An Expanded Life (Main Theme) (96K MP3; 13 mins; 8.8MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

And so ...

May you listen to the stirrings in your soul;
In those deep currents may you discern the Spirit's promptings,
And may you have the courage to follow where He leads.

St Ignatius Goes Digital

 

Three perspectives on a well-known story, the woman caught in adultery in John 8. I've taken some liberty with the details of the story in order to recreate what strikes me as the essence of the scene. I don't know where the comic book idea came from, except that it makes it easier to create strong characters and a punchy visual style.

Where would you put the camera in the above scene? (As it's created in 3D software, it can go anywhere you like!) Where do we "put the camera" when we read a particular story in the gospels? And why do we put it there in that story? Who are we identifying with? Standing in judgement upon? Do we feel part of it or are we an onlooker?

A friend suggested that to engage theology and visual arts in this kind of conversation was to do "visual theology". I love that idea! The visual and the theological journeys are intertwined, and each enhances, informs and refines the other. The process of asking "what does this look like" is a wonderfully rich and challenging journey which gets me deeper into the text than a purely intellectual process ever could.

Maybe this is a kind of Ignatian spirituality for a digital age?

Prayer for the New Year #3

The next line from the Northumbria prayer (click here) is:

Lord, I will trust you,
Help me to journey beyond the familiar
and into the unknown

The image posted a couple of days ago fits perfectly, so here it is again. This time, a new tune to go with it:

The Voyage of St Brendan (96K MP3; 8:20 mins; 5.4MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

I often say that the last 6 years of ordained ministry have been one long voyage into the unknown, but that isn't the whole story. I realise I have surrounded myself with all kinds of comforts along the way, "safe places" if you like, where it is too easy to hide from the real world!

But that call is coming to me again from somewhere across the sea ... "come and follow me" ...

So, at the doorway of another year, a prayer ...

The year ahead stretches before us like the ocean
Wild, untamed, unknown.
May our trust in Him deepen enough
To climb aboard his purpose for us,
And let his current carry us deeper into him,
Into a life that really counts.

Pray it for me too!

Prayer for the New Year #2

Continuing to meditate on the Northumbria Community prayer, the next line to jump out is a question intended for the reader's own reflection:

Do I still yearn for Your glory to lighten on me?

I long for it again. So, a prayer for you, for me:

May the brilliant glory of Christ
Be seen in his body, the church, again.
And, may we, as broken vessels indwelt by the Light
Make visible his brightness.

A Prayer for the New Year #1

On a personal level, the Northumbria prayer in the previous post (click here) gathers up all of my prayers for the journey ahead in 2008. Taking a phrase at a time, perhaps for a week, seems like a great focus for personal prayer.

As I was praying this morning, a little song popped into my head. I decided to try and record it, and here's the result:

To be Yours Alone (96K MP3; 1:10 mins; 980KB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

So, using some words from the Northumbria Prayer ...

Focus my mind and heart upon you,
My attention always upon you without alteration ...

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven ...

So, at the doorway of another year, a prayer ...

May your spirit be tuned to the sounds of heaven:
The Father's affirming voice;
The Son's life-giving word;
The Spirit's prompting whisper.

Pray it for me too!

Be Born In Us Today

"Be born in us today ... come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel."

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone
and give you a heart of flesh. (Eze 36:26).

This is my prayer for us over the Christmas season, that He will be born in us a bit more, and in a broken world.

And I ask specially for more faith that the hard, stony, resistant bits of my heart, of your heart, and our of world will be transformed by His living, incarnate presence.

Have a great Christmas and New Year.

I Will Believe You For My Future

We heard this morning that a local minister, known well to many of us, died after suffering a massive brain haemorrhage while leading a church service yesterday. As another year draws to a close and another one beckons, this renews my determination to live significantly, and make each day count.

The following prayer "found me" last night - I was browsing, apparently at random, through Celtic Daily Prayer, looking for some words to close the day.

Lord, I will trust You,
Help me to journey beyond the familiar
and into the unknown.

Give me the faith to leave old ways
and break fresh ground with you.

Christ of the mysteries, can I trust you
to be stronger than each storm in me?

Do I still yearn for Your glory to lighten on me?

I will show others the care You've given me.

I determine amidst all uncertainty
always to trust.

I choose to live beyond regret
and let You recreate my life.

I believe You will make a way for me
and provide for me
if only I trust You
and obey.

I will trust in the darkness and know
that my times are still in your hand.

I will believe You for my future,
chapter by chapter, until all the story is written.

Focus my mind and my heart upon You,
my attention always on You without alteration.

Strengthen me with Your blessing
and appoint me to the task.

Teach me to live with eternity in view.

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven.

Feed me,
and, somehow,
make my obedience count for You.

© Northumbria Community (from Celtic Daily Prayer p197-9)

Songs for the Journey #1 - Bend Your Ear to Me, Lord

I've always loved the Psalms, more so in recent years. They have followed me faithfully through the many peaks and valleys of recent years, and have offered light in the darkness.

This is from Psalm 40 ...

Bend Your Ear Towards Me Lord (96K MP3; 9 mins; 6.5MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

May there be light on your path today
May God turn his ear towards you if you are calling out to him.

I've never really thought of doing "requests" but do you have a favourite Psalm?
Let me know and maybe I can turn it into a tune!

NB: The recording of the Psalm was taken from AudioTreasure - I cannot see any copyright notice that covers these recordings, but permission has been sought.

Magnificat

I love Mary's song from Luke's Gospel - it sums up what I feel like when the creative juices are flowing. It feels like my inner being is being caught up in praise.

"My soul magnifies the Lord
And my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour"

I'm fascinated by patterns and mathematics, and I am intrigued by minimialism and the music of Steve Reich and Philip Glass and others. This latest offering is in that mode. Subtle shifts in repeating patterns to create an overall shape. Based on a rising chord of C major, with controlled randomness to add interest.

It's simply called "Magnificat" - Mary's Song in the style of Steve Reich (a bit random I know but it just happens like that sometimes!)

Magnificat (96K MP3; 3:45 mins; 2.7MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

You're going to love or hate this one, but that's OK :)

Facebook & Postmodern Loneliness #2

In a world where more and more of our lives are conducted online, in a sprawling  network of virtual communities, how are we to find true connectedness? The kind that often hurts but the only kind which really satisfies the deep inner places? The kind that gets behind the masks and down to the places in us that long for real connectedness? In the image above I've tried to capture the light and dark side of this - the need and the fear, the anticipation and the hesitation.

But this isn't really about Facebook, or postmodernity, is it? It's really the same old thing - the messy business of daring to show our true colours to others. Because to do so is to hand them the power to treat kindly or cruelly what they see.

And contemporary virtual connectedness, I fear, is too often about keeping people at a distance, rather than about making real connections. About showing others a carefully constructed presentation of ourselves which is designed to be liked, affirmed, and included.

I've posted about this many times, probably because it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, is to let others cross the line, past the mask. Maybe you find this too.

I'm not envious of those who have 1000+ "friends" on Facebook. Honestly.

What I'm looking for, what we're all looking for in our own way, is "US" ... we are tired of "I".

Downtempo #2

Another meditative prayer ... a desire to live slowly enough to listen. 

Sleep State (96Kbps MP3; 6:00 ; 4MB)

Notes

1. I didn't really "create" this - I merely recorded it. It uses "generative music" techniques - that's to say the notes are randomly generated within a pattern, which here is broadly a pentatonic scale (think wind chimes).
2. Thanks to Angstrom who did all the hard work in Ableton Live 6.

Downtempo #1

Is it possible to live purposefully, passionately, actively, but also slowly? One of my goals is to learn to live at the right speed, but without losing any purpose and passion.

"Downtempo" is a kind of music designed for relaxation and chilling out. Is downtempo living possible in today's world? This tune is my prayer that we might find the right speed ...

Slow Me (96Kbps MP3; 4:42 ; 3MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

It's my prayer for me, for you, for the church which is often so busy and frantic.

Even if all around you is a blur
May you find your speed
May you slow down enough to hear his whisper.

Surprised by Joy

I don't know where it came from.

Given what's happening around the place, as I watch friends going through difficult things, and as I wrestle with my own ongoing questions, I'm surprised it came.

But it came today as I was working on a piece of music for Dream. The soaring chords of Pachelbel's Canon suddenly lifted me into God's presence, and as I added layers to the music, this mysterious joy seemed to increase.

Pachelbel's Canon (Surprised by Joy Mix) (96K MP3; 4 mins; 3.5MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

I believe that what rose up was a desire to be fully alive, and discover what my life's purpose is. Somehow I think making music and visuals is part of the answer to that, and in those moments, I felt fully alive.

I think this piece of music is the sound of my soul getting free.

It's the sound of everything I truly desire in life.

May you discover what makes you come alive
May you discover what sets your soul free
And may you find ways to offer that to the world

Because what the world needs, what the church needs is people who are fully alive ...

Feeling Small Again

An email conversation with a friend this week reminded me again how small we are against the backdrop of an awesome God. In charismatic circles you sometimes get the sense that God should seem close all the time, and that failing to feel close to God is a sign that something's wrong. I think my friend is wrestling with this tension - I wrestle with it daily too.

On paper, we know that it's normal not to feel God close all the time, but I still think we miss it, because in our spirit, we know we were made for intimacy with him.

This journey of knowing God is a journey to the end of time and beyond, but I always long to experience a more intimate walk with him too.

I think this was all in my mind as I came up with this glitchy ambient drum & bass tune using a few famous vocal samples:

Journey to the End of Time (96K MP3; 12 mins; 9.5MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

Lord, this tune is my prayer for everyone who is feeling a bit lost in your vastness and would like to sense your closeness again.

Two Things I Ask

"Two things I ask of you, O Lord ...

• Keep falsehood and lying words far from me
• Give me neither poverty nor riches, but feed me only with what I need, lest I be fully satisfied, and refuse to acknowledge you, saying "Who is the Lord?", or lest I be poor and steal, and profane the name of my God."

(Prov 30:8-9; a mixture of translations)

I love this ... what great things to ask God for. What might we call them? Perhaps INTEGRITY and CONTENTMENT? or TRUTHFULNESS and GRATITUDE? But I think my favourite is:

Two things I ask of you, Lord:
STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS & SIMPLICITY

I'm conscious once again of the glaring inequalities in our world, that far too many people don't get a chance to live the life they were created for, while it is far to easy to slip into the dullness of a satisfied lifestyle and out of intimacy with God. I am as guilty as anyone in this!

Go To Sleep

Maybe one to fall asleep to? A remix of "Blue Room" by The Orb, from 1997. I haven't really done much musical stuff like this for nearly a decade, so it's great to have found it again.

I've been struck recently by the story of Elijah. After the showdown on Mount Carmel, he ran for his life. There he collapsed, exhausted. Only after rest could his recovery begin. And when he got up the first thing God said to him was not "pray", or "fast", or "try harder", but "eat something", and then sent him off to sleep again!

So this is for everyone who doesn't need to pray more, or pull their socks up, but who needs to rest, and look after themselves before returning to the front line.

Deep Sleep (96K MP3; 11 mins; 8.6MB download) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

I'd like to put together some background ambient stuff for worship, but even better, I'd love to mix it live!

We'll Get There

Was playing around with a demo of Ableton Live 6 LE today - a software package for live mixing audio and DJ-ing.

I came up with this live mix, which kind of sums up the way I feel about life at the moment - I think I've been granted a glimpse of where I'm headed, but not just yet.

 

We'll Get There Mix (96K MP3; 11 mins; 8MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

Based on one of MLK's famous speeches. It is quite full on - a sign of the there's creative energy that's bubbling away even though life is difficult right now.

Hope you enjoy it.

Facebook and Postmodern Loneliness

Have you been sucked in to Facebook yet? Its a great way to get back in touch with old friends. It's great for a bit of fun. It's great for a lot of things. I live alone, as many of people do in our culture. I love the way Facebook is helping me put my life story together, and helping me reconnect with old friends, and have little fun moments in the middle of the day.

Someone was burbling away on the One programme yesterday about "Wikinomics" - the power of collaboration in a Facebook generation. He said that MySpace has 200 million subscribers worldwide, Facebook has about 80 million.

WHY IS THIS? What are we looking for?

Part of me is still searching for a particular kind of vulnerable, authentic community which I can call a spiritual home. The kind of vulnerable peer relationships where you can't hide, or pretend. The kind of place where authentic and close relationships are seen as the key to growth, maturity, joy and freedom. Letting people close enough to annoy and irk us, and get under our skin, but also to mirror back the real us.

I already have this to some degree in a growing number of close friendships, but I can still hide the real me too easily, and I do.

My hunch is that too many of us are lonely, and are searching for more connectedness, and we know it will cost us something to find it. Perhaps the price is our freedom, our reputation, our autonomy.

A friend said to me at Greenbelt, as we sat outside the Organic Beer tent watching people, "I know what's missing from the church - living together in real community."

How can we, the people of God, live more like this, and model it for a lonely, disconnected culture?