Pilgrim's Progress

Homeward Bound

>> Canada Files: Day 279

And so it ends, for now. Many great sendoffs this week as I prepare to return to the UK on Tuesday, to embark on the next chapter of this adventure.

I'm bringing home a truckload of great memories, the love of many new friends, and the riches of nine months spent in a great nation among some very special people, living in a town that has found a place in my heart.

Farewell for now, Canada, I hope to set foot on your soil again soon.

So this is me, signing off from Canadian communications.

<< TRANSMISSON ENDS >>

Setting Sail Again

>> Canada Files: Day 260

And so the adventure continues. I'll be flying back to the UK on 3rd March. I nearly wrote "flying home" but I'm really not sure where that is!

Over these 9 months I've grown to love this town, with all its beauty and brokenness, with its rich kaleidoscope of people and cultures, and I think I've felt more belonging here than I have for some time. There are so many nationalities here that I don't feel like an outsider, but more importantly, it seemed like I was planted in a place of rich relationship and fellowship, growth and encouragement, and challenge too.

I believe I will return to Canada at some point, for a longer spell, but it is not at all clear to me how or when this might happen. It feels like there is "unfinished business" for me here.

"When called to a country he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going ...
He made his home in the promised land, like a stranger in a foreign country ..." (Heb 11)

This all seems some way off yet, and the practical issues of "what now" are uppermost. I still have a car and some stored goods in the UK, and I also welcome the opportunity to visit family and friends.

I wrote some years ago (here) that my life felt like a series of "spider jumps" into the unknown - well I'm about to make another one.

To my UK friends and family - I look forward to catching up with you very soon.
To my Canadian friends and "family" - I pray it isn't too long before we meet again.

Never Mind, Let's Sit Down and Have a Nice Cup of Tea

Yes it's real. And yes it's staged. I'm having my first taste of real Canadian winter.

It's part of a year-long project called Hamilton365, which involved Larry Strung (my host) snapping a different Hamilton 365 resident every day for a year and posting it online. Check out the site here and dial back through the year and see what I mean. I love his gift for seeing under people's skin and thinking creatively about how to photograph them to draw it out.

And yes, my hands are cold and my butt is freezing off.

(P.S. If you are in the Hamilton area, and are looking for a photographer, check out his business website: www.strungfoto.com)

God is With Us

>> Canada Files: Day 190

Christmas meditations have started earlier than usual for me this year. It's partly down to the snow, the Christmas lights here in Hamilton, Ontario. It helps too that Hamilton downtown looks like Bedford Falls (from the film "It's a Wonderful Life") when it snows.

Another factor is the amazing fractal images (see Wikipedia) produced by an amazing free program called Apophysis, which have opened up meditation on the incarnation of Christ and our own creation in a wonderful way.

Although I'm loving being here in Canada, I'm finding life quite tough here in some respects - the constant pressure of living off savings without income, of wondering where it's all headed, of not having a car, a job etc, of not qualifying for healthcare, is weighing quite heavily on me at the moment. But I'm far from alone in feeling the pressure of daily life.

A Prayer Lord Jesus Christ, Incarnate Son, Be born in us today. I can't wait till December 25th for your coming. I really need you now, today, everyday. I ask this also for all those who are on my heart today and for a world in pain.

Sign of the Day

>> Canada Files: Day 167

A Prayer in Pictures

The last few days have been sunny and warm, so I took full advantage and headed for the hills with my (dying) Canon Powershot. The last week and a bit has been quite heavy going, but the beauty of creation has not entirely passed me by :)

These images are my prayer, that the wonder of God's goodness would not only be seen in the trees and the beauty of creation, but in all of the situations which feel heavy at the moment.

Lessons From The Firing Range

It's been a good day. I had my first go at archery. Here's the bow ... not just any bow, but a "recurve hunting bow, right Dave? And here's my first bull's eye. The remaining arrows are somewhere in the long grass ... so I'm a real man now - it's official :)

Sometimes it's good to do fun things for the sake of having fun. Today was fun, but I realise it reminded me of some key lessons too about being in Canada.

There's a lot going on, many "targets" I could be aiming at. I've said "yes" and "no" many times already. And at the moment, GOHOP (the prayer community) is growing to take on new challenges and decide what our "targets" are.

The Apostle Paul talks a bit about hitting targets, in different language.

"We will not boast beyond our boundaries,
but we will boast within the boundaries
of the assignment that God has handed us ..."
(2 Cor 10:13)

So what lessons might be gleaned from the archery shoot?

1. Get the "feel" of a good shot. When I do creative stuff that seems to connect people with God, I hit my "sweet spot" (like in church this morning when I had a chance to do some art stuff in the service). I was suddenly aware of God's pleasure as we were engaging in it.
2. Know your targets. When I hit the target, there's an "allriiight", but when I agree to do things which are off target, it drains my energy.
3. "Work the muscles that matter." Shoulder & back muscles are important in archery and mine were only conditioned enough to fire off 12 shots.

I've a growing sense my main target may well be something to do with proclaiming the Kingdom of God through the creative arts, both to the body of Christ (through worship, prayer etc) and also to the wider community.

Meditation & Prayer What are your (main) targets? What muscles do you need to exercise to get better at hitting your targets? What is the "feel" you get when you hit your targets? He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver. 3 He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will display my splendour.” (Is 49:2-3). Lord, take all that I am; And hide me in the place of preparation. There, Lord, polish my roughness, straighten by crookedness, That when the moments of release come, I might fly straight to the target.

Order & Chaos

>> Canada Files: Day 129

Yes, it really is 4 months since I arrived, and it's almost a month since the last blog post. It isn't that nothing's happening - it's more that EVERYTHING is happening, and there is too much to say. Most of the news has gone into my prayer letter which went out yesterday.

I'm beginning to understand the hand of God in a larger way. So many things have begun to come into focus, and to merge to form what looks like a coherent picture.

I am beginning to emerge into a land of promise here - many things I've prayed for for a long time and sought after are starting to come into view - questions about vocation, creativity, and just what I'm supposed to do with my life are beginning to find satisfying answers. I pray this is "The End of the Wilderness" for a season anyway.

Here is a little tune I put together today, around the theme of "Order & Chaos" - my life feels both ordered and chaotic at the moment. Many foundations are being laid, but so much is up in the air right now, but somehow I feel confident that there is a greater purpose over it all.

Meditation4 - Order & Chaos A higher quality version is available for use in Christian worship & ministry. Download (96K MP3)

 

TM'S Travels

Hi folks ... sorry it's taken us so long to update you on our travels, but we can't get on the computer. HE's always on it. Anyway, some snaps from our recent trip to Ottawa.

Here we are on board the VIA Rail train, on the 5 hour trip. Boy did the trail rock from side to side - uneven rails, someone said. I felt a bit sick by the end of it.

Here we are sitting by the side of the canal in Ottawa. We counted 8 locks! Then we went to the Canadian Museum of Civilisation and I think HE walked in without paying (by accident of course). Here we are on stage in the theatrical museum. Tickets pleeeeease!

And we slept in a jail for 3 nights too - kind of spooky but a lot of fun too. And finally, we went to see the Parliament buildings - it took us 10 minutes to go through security to go the toilet and I was BURSTING!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But the view from the top was really great! The next day we went to a big event to pray for Canada and petition the government to make better laws, for unborn children and other important issues.

And then we came back home. So it's bye from me and monkey - until next time!  

I Need God

>> Canada Files: Day 090-something

I've just passed my 3 month anniversary, and the exact midpoint of my 6 month visitor's visa. And everyone's beginning to return after the summer break, ready for the new term. An ideal time to step back and reflect.

... I've loved being part of a community of prayerful, genuine pilgrims who are hungry for God, but also aware of the roughness of living in the "already and not yet."

... It's been great to let the creative gifts loose in "holy experimentation" - trying to harness new technologies in worship, prayer and intercession.

... I've loved being in Canada, around Canadian people and Canadian life and culture. It's been great to live with Canadian friends and be in a house with other people.

... I've met so many great people, and am forming all kinds of new relationships

... It's been great to travel round on public transport and walk a lot more.

... etc.

And yet, I'm still searching. I'm still not at all sure where this is headed, or what the next step might be. And the process of being stripping down and rebuilt has continued on this side of the Atlantic. The creative energies have ebbed and flowed.

Yet somehow, in all this, I realise I have forgotten the most important thing.

I love God. And more than that, He loves me and you. This is what my art is about. Once upon a time I wanted to say something grand, to paint a great work, to be recognized in some degree. Yet not only was I unable to figure out "what to say", but I also was being crushed under the weight of personal depression and feelings of alienation. Eternity in my heart was crying out for God, and I was dying without Him. I didn't need art and I didn't need great ideas; I needed love from the very real God who is love.

(Ramone: A Christian Artist living in Japan)

I don't know how I forgot this. Aside from all the great experiences, these last three months have revealed with crystal clarity how much I desperately need God to infuse every part of me again. Not just to help me discover my life's path, but to reveal himself in EVERY area of my life. The best artistic moments cannot fill the hole.

From the best bliss that earth imparts,
We turn unfilled, to Thee again.

(Bernard of Clairvaux, 12th Century)

So as I enter the second half, I go off in search of many things, but maybe I couldn't do much better than to laying down the art, the future, and go in search of the Father's heart once again.

My 3 Nights in Jail

Had a great time up in Ottawa. Some highlights ...

I spent 3 nights in a jail cell, but I'm back home now ... Saw some wonderful sights.

A few of us met up for The CRY prayer event, which brought together many different streams of the body of Christ including Messianic Jewish, First Nations, Inuit and Métis believers in a wonderful public act of unity.

 

I was deeply moved during some Messianic Jewish worship, in Hebrew, accompanied by a troupe of dancers, and a couple of First Nations tribal leaders (above left). Much of the day was spent in prayer in front of the Parliament buildings (above right.

Some more pictures soon from my little travelling companions who want to show their own photos.

P.S. The jail was the hostel - a converted jailhouse and my room was a converted cell.

Time for a Break

>> Canada Files: Day 087

 

 

 

 

 

Off to "The CRY" tomorrow - a big city-wide prayer event up in Ottawa. Taking a train, and staying for 3 nights in a hostel that used to be a jailhouse. Half of the event is in Ontario, and half is in Quebec (Ottawa sits on the border).

I'm not sure exactly what to expect. I've been feeling pretty cool spiritually for the last few weeks, so it will be interesting to be in the thick of a large event, especially as I didn't get to New Wine this year.

It's been great to be around Hamilton for nearly 3 months, but a change of scene will be welcome too before things kick off again in September.

Free Us from the Flickering Image

>> Canada Files: Day 081

I love the freedom to experiment with new technologies in worship that being in GOHOP affords. Most recently, this involved creating improvised visuals during a prayer set. This is a screengrab of a great package called Resolume.

But I sense a warning in this. We live in a world filled with flickering images. Neil Postman, in his 1985 book "Amusing Ourselves to Death" warned of the dangers for a generation weaned on flickering images. He warned of how overstimulation desensitizes us, and programs us to become passive and unresponsive, and may even impair mentional functioning.

So how can this technology be harnessed for good, and not just to amuse or entertain?

So here is a "visual prayer" - perhaps the cry of my own heart that we don't just make things worse, or push people further into passivity, but rather take this technology captive for the glory of God in our time. Maybe it's also a kind of visual intercession - the cry of a generation trapped in a cycle of overstimulation and addiction.

A Prayer in 2 Languages (verbal and visual) Lord, set me free from the flickering image And the addicition to constant stimulation. Still the inner noise so that I can be still enough To discern the things that matter.

Running to Win

>> Canada Files: Day 068

It's nearly Olympic time again. It's about 12 hours ahead of us, so I'm expecting a few late nights!

The Olympics are rich with spiritual parallels ... running to win, living for a long term vision, learning from failure and so on. There are some interesting insights from top athletes here ...

Bill Sweetenham, the former British Olympic swimming coach, once said:

"The Olympics is an exacting and demanding environment:
If there is any flaw in your character
or your personal preparation,
The Olympics will find it!"

Being in Canada, being a parish minister, has certainly done that with great (and sometimes painful) clarity. But it has also drawn out the best in me.

The best coaches are gentle and tough by turns - drawing out our strengths, working on our weaknesses. I have learned a great deal about the ways of our great "Coach" this last 8 years ...

"Do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves ..." (Heb 12:5)

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust. (Ps 103:13-14)

And so, in this Olympic year, a prayer:

A Prayer Lord, as I run this Olympic race And undergo its daily rigours My heart lies exposed. The race so far has stripped me of much self-delusion I know my flaws and my fallenness only too well. I am not yet the person you are making me. But your love is relentless and your discipline unending. Lord, have mercy. Finish your work in me. And yet, Lord The race so far has also revealed deep reserves Of courage and determination, and buried gold And a longing to make it to the finish. Lord, have mercy Draw out your life in me. And so, Lord, in this Olympic year I submit to your training again: Forgive what is sinful Heal what is broken Draw out what is strong That I may finish the race and receive the prize. Lord, have mercy Run the race with me.

Sign of the Day #5: Now Hiring

I wondered if this was a subliminal recruitment ad. for the American  intelligence establishment? Hint: look at the larger letters in the first sentence ...

My Butcher is a Raving Pentecostal

>> Canada Files: Day 063

See for yourself! This is Sign of the Day #5.

(If that doesn't mean anything, the shop name sounds a bit like someone speaking in tongues!)

Great Free 3D Tools

News this morning of another great giveaway - Caligari Truespace 7.6 is now FREE!Acquired by Microsoft to compete with Google Sketchup\Google Earth. It was a free version of Truespace 3.2 that got me into 3D art originally.

Click here to download (software, manual and training videos).

This software used to cost $600 ... go get it!

Worth a Thousand Words?

>> Canada Files: Day 053

A picture is worth a thousand words, they say. Well how about a picture made up of a thousand words? A Wordle word cloud shows up the main words in a block of text. The bigger, the more often it occurs. Above is a summary of the last 25 blog posts.

And this is Mark's Gospel:

And the Psalms ...

I Shall Lack Nothing

>> Canada Files: Day 052

I'm definitely in "Phase 2" now. The novelty has worn off - the novelty of being in Canada, soaking in the new cultural experience, the novelty of doing exciting new things in creative worship, of meeting new people and so on.

My last post hinted that I was having to dig deeper. For the last couple of weeks it's been harder to find a tangible sense of God's presence anywhere - at home, at church, at GOHOP. So what then?

From the best bliss that earth imparts
We turn unfilled to Thee again

All of this has led to a renewed call to seek God again, not for his "benefits" but simply for his presence.

So on Tuesday, I went for a long walk, up the escarpment, along into town and down again - about 6 miles I think. The photo above is a panoramic view from the escarpment. And the prayer inside me was "Lord, I'm coming to find you." Nothing dramatic happened, but the next day, on my usual half hour walk to the prayer house, I felt an inner "thaw". I found the first verse of Psalm 23 playing round and round in my mind, over and over, getting richer all the time:

The Lord is my Shepherd
Therefore, I lack nothing.

And so this is Phase 2. I felt challenged that my spiritual food was not to be the buzz of doing creative worship sessions, but simply of seeking God persistently until I found him.

A Prayer O Lord our God, grant us grace to desire Thee with our whole heart, that so desiring, we may seek and find Thee; and so finding Thee we may love Thee; and loving Thee we may hate those sins from which Thou hast redeemed us; for the sake of Jesus Christ. St. Anselm

Clear Blue Skies?

>> Canada Files: Day 041

The weather is really great at the moment (I guess I've just alienated any UK readers!). The air is warm and the sky is clear and a light breeze keeps things cool.

But in other ways, the "weather" seems quite overcast, both inwardly and outwardly. Life seems pretty much "in the raw", with a lot of people going through a lot of stuff, both in the prayer room community and elsewhere. And the internal battles are still there (funnily enough!).

I'm having to "dig deep" at the moment to live once again from the deeper streams of faith, and not from the tangible delights of meeting God face to face. But then a lot of folk here are doing that too.

So it turns out that my 6 years in Liverpool area, in parish ministry, living alone, facing real life etc. have been a vital preparation for this new phase.

Maybe there's a lesson here - if your circumstances require you to remember everything you've learned, and raise your game, then you are growing and moving forward. If you can afford to let it go, then you're not.

A Prayer Stand with me, O God, at the storm's eye; Anchor me in the unshakeable things, Refresh me from the deeper streams Feed me with your living words. Amen.

Happy Canada Day!

>> Canada Files: Day 036

He Shall Have Dominion

>> Canada Files: Day 036

I learned the other day that Canada's full name is "The Dominion of Canada". The founding fathers took this name from Psalm 72:8 - "he shall have dominion from sea to sea." And today is "Canada Day", formerly called "Dominion Day".

Much of what we're praying for at GOHOP is for the Lord's glory and dominion to be re-established here, and in the nations.

The above image came out of this, and it was connected with Malachi 3 - "The Lord will suddenly come to his temple."

A Prayer Lord, on this day, Dominion Day We pray that you will reveal your glory in your church and in the land again. May you subdue the nations under your godly rule again.

Meditation: Pleasure and Delight

>> Canada Files: Day 028

It's time to start reading through the Bible again, so I'm spending time in the Creation narratives of Genesis at the moment. It paints such a wonderful picture of God's creativity and his sheer pleasure in the creative act and in the creation.

And God saw that it was good ("very good" after Day 6 of Creation)

And the Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. (Gen 1:9)

It's no accident that some of this pleasure is felt as we meet to worship in GOHOP - most of it is created "in the moment" as we pray and worship, and create together. Yesterday, in the flow of worship, new songs were coming to us, and they seemed to blend so well with what was happening in the room.

This is so important to remember in intercession and spiritual warfare, that no matter how bad things have become, that God still loves his creation, and longs to delight in it again. Intercession and spiritual warfare often focus on darkness, but really it's about sharing in God's re-creation of how it was meant to be.

As part of this, I'm starting to create some ambient music to express the rich food that is being served up from these meditations in Genesis. Watch this space!

TM's Travels

>> Canada Files: Day 023

Whoopee! Monkey and I have got a gig on July 4th - doing an ambient set at the Freeway Coffee House, which is "an innovative, non-profit, fair trade coffee house and community commons in Hamilton, that was started in October 2005 and is committed to re-investing in the local and global community." They also have lots of live music.

You can see us mixing a track on the laptop in an earlier post, so now we're doing it live.

Here is a photo of us in the Freeway Cafe (with the stage in the right background). More later ...

Come and Find Me

>> Canada Files: Day 019

Has been a mixture of a day today. We went to church this morning, and I wasn't really in the mood. Today it felt like someone else's church, someone else's city. And then it was Father's day and the vast majority of the guys in church are married or are dads (they hauled all the guys out and made sure everyone was covered, which was nice). But a few reasons to feel I didn't belong.

So I walked around at the back, trying to find the way in to worship, and the Father's presence. And then out the blue, it found me. I opened my Bible at nowhere in particular, and there was Psalm 139, such familiar words. But there was a new promise contained there today:

Even if I rise on the wings of the dawn (I rose at 5:30am for a 9am flight)
And settle on the far side of the sea (Canada)
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.

And it seemed to set a seal around this whole crazy trip.

And it also reminds me that no matter where we go in search of God, sometimes it might be better to stand still and let him find us.

And the blessings kept on coming ... a real sense of Gods touch in the prayer time in the service ... the friends I'm staying with remembered it was my birthday this week ...

A Prayer Wherever you are Whether you've "settled" for now May his hand guide you and hold you fast.

Sign of the Day #3

Is it emotional solutions for eating, for solutions for emotional eating?

Is emotional eating the problem or the solution?

If it's the solution, what's the problem?

If it's the problem, what's the solution?

I'm confused now.

TM's Travels

>> Canada Files: Day 016

No-one should travel without a few trusty companions. I smuggled two little friends into Canada with me and they're following me round. You've already seen them helping me remix a track on my laptop.

The little bear is called "TM". We have a phrase back home - when someone's about to travel we pray for "travelling mercies". A couple of friends in the UK told me they imagine travelling mercies to be little furry creatures, and gave me my own "travelling mercy" (TM) to bring with me. Here is TM and his sidekick, Cheeky Monkey (CM), scoffing a Tim Horton's doughnut (or donut) in downtown Hamilton.

And so TM will be posting from time to time to tell you what he and CM have been up to.

There is a point to this too ... the friends who gave me TM are, I think, "modern monks" (someone called me this the other day) - pilgrims trying to live prayerfully in the thick of the community and see transformed lives through the power of the Holy Spirit. This is what "Punk Monk" is all about (see previous post).

So here's to all you Punk Monks out there, who often feel at odds with the system or the categories you're supposed to fit into, but who are following your call nonetheless.

Gathering Storm

>> Canada Files: Day 015

This image has been in my mind for the last few days, as I've spent a lot of time with people who are praying for God's glory to be released over the nations again.

There is a real sense of gathering momentum here, a sense that God is putting things into place in preparation for something big.

There is also a growing call for the "grass roots" side of revival too - the relational, incarnational work of being among people in Jesus' name.

I'm feeling drawn to both aspects, but not sure how they connect just yet!

See, I Am Doing A New Thing

>> Canada Files: Day 014

Yes, I know, that was God speaking. But I'm doing loads of new things as well ...

1. Jazz Piano. One of the other new faces at GOHOP is a trained jazz trumpeter, and he gave me a lesson in basic jazz piano today. I've wanted to learn this for a long time, and now it's dropped into my lap.
2. Playing with Analogue Synthesizers. If you aren't into gadgets, just move on to no.3! One of the other GOHOP worship people builds his own electronic musical instruments and they are such great fun to play on. But more than this - we share a desire to use all this gear in an atmosphere of worship and intercession.
3. Prophetic Prayer classes. I caught the last two sessions of an evening class on prophetic prayer and it was really good, and, I am pleased to say, really "normal" and down to earth.

Oh, and I finally found the perfect church - it does exist and it's right here in Hamilton!

Is This It, Lord?

>> Canada Files: Day 012

So I'm here, sitting in the Toronto Airport Church live mixing a track. It's the final day of a Creative Arts conference - so many creative people under one roof, I'm surprised it didn't cave in or something.

The doors of opportunity are flying open at the moment. Yesterday evening a few of us did a live set in the art gallery here at the conference. And there is an open door to do some worship at some local churches too.

There is so much creative arts stuff going on in the Toronto and Hamilton area that it really feels like I've been brought here for such a time as this ...

I've only been here a couple of weeks and it feels like I'm at home already. A few settling in issues remain, but a lot of the main things are sorted now - domestic stuff, buses, mobile phone and so on.

At one point in the film Shadowlands, C.S. Lewis (Anthony Hopkins) says "I'm here now. I'm no longer looking around the next corner. And I'm happy." And so I wonder - is this it, Lord? Are things finally going to start falling into place?

Punk Monk: New Monasticism and the Ancient Art of Breathing

> Canada Files: Day 008

Part of the reason for coming here is to explore what a life based round prayer might look like, and whether it's God's long term call on my life.

I was given a copy of "Punk Monk: New Monasticism and the Ancient Art of Breathing" by Jill, the director of GOHOP (Greater Ontario House of Prayer) where I'll be volunteering for the next while.

Here's what my eye fell on when I flipped it open:

"The glory of God always shows itself in an empty space"

"A monk or nun's life has meaning 'because of an absence of progression, which points to God as the end and goal of our lives"

A Prayer Lord, how are you emptying me today So that your Glory may come in?

Coming Down To Earth

> Canada Files: Day 007

Coming down to earth a bit now. Some of the inevitable novelty is wearing off and I'm beginning to see things as they are. Also beginning to adjust to the reality of life as it now is, taking stock of what has been gained and lost in the move to Canada.

Rearranged my room this morning, and it feels more like my space now, and I have a desk to sit at and blog, journal, remix and whatever else.

Today, I hope to buy a bus pass, a mobile phone, and some other things.

And the big thing this week is a conference at the Toronto Airport church about creative arts in mission, so I'm looking forward to that too.

Sign of the Day #1

I Made It!!

I'm sitting at "home" in Canada typing my first Canadian blog post. I can't believe I made it ...

... not just because of the 8 hour flight delay at the airport this morning
... not just because of the grilling I got by Canadian immigration
... not just because I've now been up for 24 hours and could sleep through the Second Coming ...

But because it's been coming for so long now, and all that's had to happen to make this possible.

This really is the first day of the rest of my life ... and I'm so happy to be here now, and am excited about to see what will unfold.'

And I know in my heart that I will never return ... I don't mean that I won't ever return to the UK or Liverpool or wherever, but simply that I kind of know that life will never be the same again. What what is unfolding here seems to lie right at the heart of why I'm on the planet, that when this chapter ends, however long or short it is, my old life won't be there any more. 

More soon ... right now I'm off to have a loooooong lie.

>>> TRANSMISSION ENDS

This is me signing out ...

Next transmission will be from across the Atlantic.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>                                                 >>
>> SIGNOFF: UK_Haydock: 10:41_26:05:08             >>
>>                                                 >>
>> TRANSMISSION ENDS                               >>
>>                                                 >>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

What I Learned From the Birds Today

The last few mornings I've been woken up by a chorus of loud cheeping right above the bedroom window. I glanced out the kitchen window this afternoon to see a few little chicks (starlings?) padding around on the patio at the back, looking quite vulnerable and helpless as they faced the world.

The adults birds were there too, but they seemed to come and go. One flew in, dropped some food into the chick's mouth, and then disappeared again.

I grabbed my camera and tiptoed over towards them, but they didn't move, or flinch, or try to escape. They haven't learned to be afraid of humans yet.

Previous blog posts have touched on this, but the last few years in ministry have been like this:

1. Being thrust, feeling ill-prepared, into the real world and having to just get on with the business of learning to fly. There is guidance and help, but not 24/7 and there are many times where no-one is around, and you have to dig deep and remember what you've learned. I am eternally grateful to God for those times.
2. Often feeling exposed and insecure, and wanting to run for cover, but knowing I'd be running in the wrong direction if (and when!) I did that.
3. Sometimes coming up against strong influences or people who, by virtue of their position or personality, have a measure of power over you, and you end up wondering how you'll come out of it.
4. Sometimes not being sure where the nest is.

But underneath all this, I know my faith has deepened a great deal - it just had to. And somehow I can say (without being syrupy) that I know, through the indwelling Holy Spirit, that there is a great, mighty, kind, eternal, loving presence that is watching over the whole thing, even though he isn't always tangibly present, but stands back, like a good parent, to allow us to find our courage and discover the capabilities he's given us.

And the one who takes care of the birds is more than able to look after us.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Mt 6:26).

A number of practical and timely encouragements in my preparations for Canada have brought this home to me again e.g. people offering things I was about to ask for (storage boxes and so on). There is a growing list of these "coincidences". 

And so, as I prepare to be flicked out of the nest again, a prayer:

Father,
Who cares for the birds,
Who, though ten a penny, feast daily at the table of your providence,
Teach me to live like one more valued than a bird,
And grant my heart the serenity of one eternally encircled
The bounty of one richly provided for
And the trust of one tenderly cared for.
Amen.

Everlasting God

Less than 3 weeks till I fly to Canada. Packing and preparing to move is my main task now, but there is time to prepare in other ways.

GOHOP (the prayer community I'll be hanging out with) use a model of creative prayer called "Harp and Bowl" (from Revelation 5). It offers some helpful ways into spontaneous worship and prayer. You can read more about it here.

I've a growing sense that the main purpose of the times in Canada is to draw close to God along with others seeking to do the same, and that the creative stuff will serve that greater end. And so today began with a meditation on Psalm 90. As I pondered this, I started to put a tune together round the theme of "Everlasting God".

Everlasting God (96K MP3; 8 mins; 5.5MB) Right click and select "Save Target As..." Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

I heard that something like revival seems to have broken out in Florida and is spreading worldwide. Not quite sure what I think about it yet, but whatever is going on, I'm reminded again that underneath all our endeavours is an everlasting God whose purposes stand firm throughout all generations.

Show yourself to us again, O Lord.
In our day, reveal your power again ...

It Started With One Glance

Literally.

We were on our way to a baseball game (Toronto Bluejays at the Skydome) and someone points out the window, and says "there's a new prayer community called GOHOP (Greater Ontario House of Prayer) that meets in that building" (which houses a large Christian broadcasting company - shown on the right).

And so the seed was sown.

To cut a long story short, one thing led to another, and I'm going to be involved with GOHOP for a few months doing creative stuff\prayer\worship\intercession and so on, that same building.

So from that once glance, a seed was sown, which grew over the months into an idea, into a possibility, and finally into a reality.

This has happened before. Other big life changes have been triggered by seemingly insignificant events - a word, a throwaway comment, a thought that came from nowhere.

And so my prayer is that each of us will learn to live more attentively, to be alert to these "glances" that might be the beginning of something significant.

I'm hoping to chart the journey here in coming months ... so watch this space!

One Way Ticket

This is it. This is my last full week in my current post. After 6 years in parish ministry in the UK, I'm taking a sabbatical in Canada with a community of Christians who meet to pray in all kinds of creative ways. This will involve such things as laptop DJing, digital art, improvised worship, prayer and intercession and so on.

I'm looking forward to a change of scene, of pace, and of focus for a while. As well as being a positive step in itself, it's also a chance to think about the future. It's time to step back and have a fresh look at things.

After that I have no idea what will happen. As things stand I'm heading to Canada on a one way ticket, without a job or a home to come back to. It feels a bit like this ...

This trip captures everything that Pilgrim's Progress blog has been about in its 3 years. Living every day with a desire to be in God's house, but until that day finally comes, to journey with that glorious destination in mind, to live intentionally, and to seek to live by what is REAL. I've fallen far short of this too often, but it remains my goal.

Psalm 84 captures it ...

Blessed are those whose stronghold[1] is in you
In whose hearts are pilgrim highways.
They grow in warrior courage
Till each of them appears before God in Zion.

Notes:
[1] Stronghold. Translates a word that means refuge, place of strength.
[2] Warrior Courage. The Hebrew word commonly translates as "army", "valour" or "might".

P.S. Pilgrim's Progress will keep running - that's the beauty of the web - I can update it from anywhere, and I hope to post some of the art & music that emerges from my involvement with the folks over there.

Music for Easter Part 1

Three tunes for Easter - a couple are from animations which are too large to post unfortunately. The three below focus on the story up to the crucifixion. I will post some resurrection ones soon.

I've really felt drawn in to the journey of Jesus in a fresh way this year, and some of the the moods and scenes of that journey have suggested some musical ideas, which are posted here.

I Have Desired To Eat This Meal With You (96K MP3; 4 mins; 3.5MB) TThe Agony of Christ (96K MP3; 4mins; 3.5MB) It Is Finished (96K MP3; 1:30; 1.4MB) Right click and select "Save Target As..." Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

Staring at the Son

But as each of us looks at the glory of the Lord with our faces uncovered,
We are transformed to be like the one we look at,
becoming more glorious each time we look.
All this is the work of the Lord, who is the Spirit.
(2 Cor 3:18, paraphrased)

Soul Expansion

During our recent 24-7 prayer here in church, someone showed me this wonderful prayer in the Northumbria Community prayer book (Celtic Daily Prayer). It expresses so many inner things so concisely ...

Lord, help me now to unclutter my life,
to organise myself in the direction of simplicity.

Lord, teach me to listen to my heart;
teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it.

Lord, I give You these stirrings inside me,
I give You my discontent,
I give You my restlessness,
I give You my doubt
I give You my despair
I give You all the longings I hold inside.

Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth;
to listen seriously and follow where they lead,
through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.

And so to the latest tune - "Soundtrack to an Expanded Life". Reminds me of earlier stuff which felt like "my soul getting free."

Soundtrack For An Expanded Life (Main Theme) (96K MP3; 13 mins; 8.8MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

And so ...

May you listen to the stirrings in your soul;
In those deep currents may you discern the Spirit's promptings,
And may you have the courage to follow where He leads.

St Ignatius Goes Digital

 

Three perspectives on a well-known story, the woman caught in adultery in John 8. I've taken some liberty with the details of the story in order to recreate what strikes me as the essence of the scene. I don't know where the comic book idea came from, except that it makes it easier to create strong characters and a punchy visual style.

Where would you put the camera in the above scene? (As it's created in 3D software, it can go anywhere you like!) Where do we "put the camera" when we read a particular story in the gospels? And why do we put it there in that story? Who are we identifying with? Standing in judgement upon? Do we feel part of it or are we an onlooker?

A friend suggested that to engage theology and visual arts in this kind of conversation was to do "visual theology". I love that idea! The visual and the theological journeys are intertwined, and each enhances, informs and refines the other. The process of asking "what does this look like" is a wonderfully rich and challenging journey which gets me deeper into the text than a purely intellectual process ever could.

Maybe this is a kind of Ignatian spirituality for a digital age?

Surrounded

Before me, behind me
You besiege me.

A literal translation of Psalm 139:5. NIV has "you hem me in", but "besiege" is a closer translation (hence the military feel to the image - note the tanks are in defensive not attacking positions).

It struck me that the siege isn't to keep someone out, but to keep us in! The rest of the Psalm confirms it. Even if the Psalmist tries to flee to the farthest place, he cannot break the siege. Its circumference is simply too wide.

This verse hit me at a time when I'd not been walking closely with God, and felt far away from him. And then came this wonderful assurance - even if I wanted to, I could not break the siege. We simply cannot to a place outside God's love. There is no such place.

The place of foolishness, of spiritual coolness, of deliberate sin, of whatever else is still within the siege.

May you be conscious of being under siege this year
Not by external pressures
But by the loving goodness of a great God.

Prayer for the New Year #3

The next line from the Northumbria prayer (click here) is:

Lord, I will trust you,
Help me to journey beyond the familiar
and into the unknown

The image posted a couple of days ago fits perfectly, so here it is again. This time, a new tune to go with it:

The Voyage of St Brendan (96K MP3; 8:20 mins; 5.4MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

I often say that the last 6 years of ordained ministry have been one long voyage into the unknown, but that isn't the whole story. I realise I have surrounded myself with all kinds of comforts along the way, "safe places" if you like, where it is too easy to hide from the real world!

But that call is coming to me again from somewhere across the sea ... "come and follow me" ...

So, at the doorway of another year, a prayer ...

The year ahead stretches before us like the ocean
Wild, untamed, unknown.
May our trust in Him deepen enough
To climb aboard his purpose for us,
And let his current carry us deeper into him,
Into a life that really counts.

Pray it for me too!

Prayer for the New Year #2

Continuing to meditate on the Northumbria Community prayer, the next line to jump out is a question intended for the reader's own reflection:

Do I still yearn for Your glory to lighten on me?

I long for it again. So, a prayer for you, for me:

May the brilliant glory of Christ
Be seen in his body, the church, again.
And, may we, as broken vessels indwelt by the Light
Make visible his brightness.

What Do You Get if you throw all this together?

Saw The Bays play tonight at the Liverpool Philharmonic Hall. They were playing with a small orchestra, and the whole thing was improvised. How?

Technically, everyone was linked using Sibelius music software, in the hands of a couple of composers who created a live score and fed it to the orchestra, who had computer monitors instead of music.

The orchestra had a conductor, and The Bays were there too, playing, improvising as usual. So all of these factors wove together to create live music. And a VJ for good measure who was throwing up visuals and the live score on three big screens.

Who was leading the whole thing? The conductor? The composers? The Bays?
That's just it. I don't think there was a single "leader" - it was a wonderful example of organic, relational, cooperative creativity. What emerged was greater than the sum of the parts, and it felt like everyone was listening to each other. I couldn't detect any hint of pretentiousness, but instead it looked like everyone up there was just loving it.

I LOVED IT!! The music was great, especially the finale, which was a kind of orchestral curtain raising full-on drum 'n' bass tune (think Wagner meets LTJ Bukem), but it was the whole experience I will remember - seeing it all magically come together was just awesome.

Come back soon guys!

(Addendum 5.01.08)

I realised how this concert was a great worked example of what yesterday's post was about.

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven

I long to see collaborative creativity in the Christian community. There was leadership, and shape, and direction, but it arose organically from relationship and the sharing of creative gifts.

This is how I want to do "church" ...

A Prayer for the New Year #1

On a personal level, the Northumbria prayer in the previous post (click here) gathers up all of my prayers for the journey ahead in 2008. Taking a phrase at a time, perhaps for a week, seems like a great focus for personal prayer.

As I was praying this morning, a little song popped into my head. I decided to try and record it, and here's the result:

To be Yours Alone (96K MP3; 1:10 mins; 980KB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

So, using some words from the Northumbria Prayer ...

Focus my mind and heart upon you,
My attention always upon you without alteration ...

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven ...

So, at the doorway of another year, a prayer ...

May your spirit be tuned to the sounds of heaven:
The Father's affirming voice;
The Son's life-giving word;
The Spirit's prompting whisper.

Pray it for me too!

Be Born In Us Today

"Be born in us today ... come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel."

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone
and give you a heart of flesh. (Eze 36:26).

This is my prayer for us over the Christmas season, that He will be born in us a bit more, and in a broken world.

And I ask specially for more faith that the hard, stony, resistant bits of my heart, of your heart, and our of world will be transformed by His living, incarnate presence.

Have a great Christmas and New Year.

I Will Believe You For My Future

We heard this morning that a local minister, known well to many of us, died after suffering a massive brain haemorrhage while leading a church service yesterday. As another year draws to a close and another one beckons, this renews my determination to live significantly, and make each day count.

The following prayer "found me" last night - I was browsing, apparently at random, through Celtic Daily Prayer, looking for some words to close the day.

Lord, I will trust You,
Help me to journey beyond the familiar
and into the unknown.

Give me the faith to leave old ways
and break fresh ground with you.

Christ of the mysteries, can I trust you
to be stronger than each storm in me?

Do I still yearn for Your glory to lighten on me?

I will show others the care You've given me.

I determine amidst all uncertainty
always to trust.

I choose to live beyond regret
and let You recreate my life.

I believe You will make a way for me
and provide for me
if only I trust You
and obey.

I will trust in the darkness and know
that my times are still in your hand.

I will believe You for my future,
chapter by chapter, until all the story is written.

Focus my mind and my heart upon You,
my attention always on You without alteration.

Strengthen me with Your blessing
and appoint me to the task.

Teach me to live with eternity in view.

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven.

Feed me,
and, somehow,
make my obedience count for You.

© Northumbria Community (from Celtic Daily Prayer p197-9)