Pilgrim's Progress

Fear Him, Seek Him - Don't Be Practical All the Time!

I'm amazed. Twice in the last week people have handed me an envelope with gifts of money in. On the first occasion, I had given a gift to a local prayer group to help cover event costs the previous day, and the envelope given to me contained the same amount as I'd given.

Today, a new insight struck me from a familiar Psalm - two kinds of people who do not live in lack:

Fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
(Ps 34:9-10)

I am currently seeking work, and money is an issue. But the practicalities must not consume all my energy and time. The Psalm urges us to set our hearts both to fear the Lord, and seek him.

And if we seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, all our needs will be supplied, sometimes in unexpected ways. May you be surprised by the generosity and provision of God!

Seek His Face

Am discovering the joys of digital natural media painting. It's easier than you think and more rewarding than I ever imagined.

Lots of seeking the face of God at the moment as I try to discern his leading. That seeking takes many forms: a cry, a shout, a song, a prayer, a groan, a whisper.

Getting Away From It All

It's all happening isn't it? Swine flu, credit crunch, and all the rest. And personally, it's all happening too, isn't it? And you know people who're going through it. Wouldn't it be nice to get on a plane and leave it all behind? Someone's been here before ...

I said, "Oh that I had the wings of a dove
I would fly away and be at rest;
I would flee far away an stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and the storm."
(Ps 55:6-8)

All of us would love to have a Fantasy Island (see image) - a place where we could escape to, and shut it all out. But that isn't an option we have. Instead ...

But I call out to God
and the Lord saves me.
Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.
(Ps 55:16-17)

Don't keep quiet. Don't keep it in. Let it out. Get others to make a noise with you, for you.

And let's keep making a noise to God for a broken world, a world in desperate need.

Christus Victor

I don't know what happened last night, but something changed. After feeling like I was walking in a spiritual desert for the last three weeks, unable to connect with God in any meaningful way, there was a quiet, but tangible sense that something was different. It felt like my prayers had finally achieved a little breakthrough and that something had shifted in the heavenlies.

Easter means many things, but it speaks of the wonderful breakthrough that Jesus accomplished. The breakthrough that makes all other breakthroughs possible.

Last week, on the shelf in my car boot, there were two little twigs which had fallen in the shape of a cross. I'm not sure how they got there, but I think they pointed me to this moment.

This morning I read the bit in Matthew 27 where Jesus is in the tomb, and the authorities try to prevent the body being snatched. It struck me that these extra measures only served to convince thousands that he really did rise, and the angel seems to mock their efforts by sitting on the rolled-away stone.

I am still waiting for many breakthroughs, but for now, I am grateful for renewed confidence that it's on its way. Here's my attempt to express this in visual form.

A Prayer Crucified Jesus, You smashed through all our bonds and set us free. Come through for us, for a broken world. Let your breakthrough be our breakthroughs. And so, this Easter Saturday, This waiting, seeking, searching, wondering time, When Jesus has been crucified but not yet raised, may the breakthrough of Jesus come through for you, however long you've been waiting.

A New Season

 

So I'm back. What a 9 months it's been. It will take me some time to process it, if I ever fully can. In an unexpected way I've come back with a sense of inner momentum, and a desire to "pick up where I left off in Canada."

Even already, it's been a time of reconnecting with old friends and feeling pretty reconnected, even after a week.

As for the future, no idea yet, but the call is to live in the present, to "seek Him in the wild places", and see what unfolds.

Setting Sail Again

>> Canada Files: Day 260

And so the adventure continues. I'll be flying back to the UK on 3rd March. I nearly wrote "flying home" but I'm really not sure where that is!

Over these 9 months I've grown to love this town, with all its beauty and brokenness, with its rich kaleidoscope of people and cultures, and I think I've felt more belonging here than I have for some time. There are so many nationalities here that I don't feel like an outsider, but more importantly, it seemed like I was planted in a place of rich relationship and fellowship, growth and encouragement, and challenge too.

I believe I will return to Canada at some point, for a longer spell, but it is not at all clear to me how or when this might happen. It feels like there is "unfinished business" for me here.

"When called to a country he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going ...
He made his home in the promised land, like a stranger in a foreign country ..." (Heb 11)

This all seems some way off yet, and the practical issues of "what now" are uppermost. I still have a car and some stored goods in the UK, and I also welcome the opportunity to visit family and friends.

I wrote some years ago (here) that my life felt like a series of "spider jumps" into the unknown - well I'm about to make another one.

To my UK friends and family - I look forward to catching up with you very soon.
To my Canadian friends and "family" - I pray it isn't too long before we meet again.

God is With Us

>> Canada Files: Day 190

Christmas meditations have started earlier than usual for me this year. It's partly down to the snow, the Christmas lights here in Hamilton, Ontario. It helps too that Hamilton downtown looks like Bedford Falls (from the film "It's a Wonderful Life") when it snows.

Another factor is the amazing fractal images (see Wikipedia) produced by an amazing free program called Apophysis, which have opened up meditation on the incarnation of Christ and our own creation in a wonderful way.

Although I'm loving being here in Canada, I'm finding life quite tough here in some respects - the constant pressure of living off savings without income, of wondering where it's all headed, of not having a car, a job etc, of not qualifying for healthcare, is weighing quite heavily on me at the moment. But I'm far from alone in feeling the pressure of daily life.

A Prayer Lord Jesus Christ, Incarnate Son, Be born in us today. I can't wait till December 25th for your coming. I really need you now, today, everyday. I ask this also for all those who are on my heart today and for a world in pain.

Order & Chaos

>> Canada Files: Day 129

Yes, it really is 4 months since I arrived, and it's almost a month since the last blog post. It isn't that nothing's happening - it's more that EVERYTHING is happening, and there is too much to say. Most of the news has gone into my prayer letter which went out yesterday.

I'm beginning to understand the hand of God in a larger way. So many things have begun to come into focus, and to merge to form what looks like a coherent picture.

I am beginning to emerge into a land of promise here - many things I've prayed for for a long time and sought after are starting to come into view - questions about vocation, creativity, and just what I'm supposed to do with my life are beginning to find satisfying answers. I pray this is "The End of the Wilderness" for a season anyway.

Here is a little tune I put together today, around the theme of "Order & Chaos" - my life feels both ordered and chaotic at the moment. Many foundations are being laid, but so much is up in the air right now, but somehow I feel confident that there is a greater purpose over it all.

Meditation4 - Order & Chaos A higher quality version is available for use in Christian worship & ministry. Download (96K MP3)

 

Free Us from the Flickering Image

>> Canada Files: Day 081

I love the freedom to experiment with new technologies in worship that being in GOHOP affords. Most recently, this involved creating improvised visuals during a prayer set. This is a screengrab of a great package called Resolume.

But I sense a warning in this. We live in a world filled with flickering images. Neil Postman, in his 1985 book "Amusing Ourselves to Death" warned of the dangers for a generation weaned on flickering images. He warned of how overstimulation desensitizes us, and programs us to become passive and unresponsive, and may even impair mentional functioning.

So how can this technology be harnessed for good, and not just to amuse or entertain?

So here is a "visual prayer" - perhaps the cry of my own heart that we don't just make things worse, or push people further into passivity, but rather take this technology captive for the glory of God in our time. Maybe it's also a kind of visual intercession - the cry of a generation trapped in a cycle of overstimulation and addiction.

A Prayer in 2 Languages (verbal and visual) Lord, set me free from the flickering image And the addicition to constant stimulation. Still the inner noise so that I can be still enough To discern the things that matter.

Great Free 3D Tools

News this morning of another great giveaway - Caligari Truespace 7.6 is now FREE!Acquired by Microsoft to compete with Google Sketchup\Google Earth. It was a free version of Truespace 3.2 that got me into 3D art originally.

Click here to download (software, manual and training videos).

This software used to cost $600 ... go get it!

He Shall Have Dominion

>> Canada Files: Day 036

I learned the other day that Canada's full name is "The Dominion of Canada". The founding fathers took this name from Psalm 72:8 - "he shall have dominion from sea to sea." And today is "Canada Day", formerly called "Dominion Day".

Much of what we're praying for at GOHOP is for the Lord's glory and dominion to be re-established here, and in the nations.

The above image came out of this, and it was connected with Malachi 3 - "The Lord will suddenly come to his temple."

A Prayer Lord, on this day, Dominion Day We pray that you will reveal your glory in your church and in the land again. May you subdue the nations under your godly rule again.

Gathering Storm

>> Canada Files: Day 015

This image has been in my mind for the last few days, as I've spent a lot of time with people who are praying for God's glory to be released over the nations again.

There is a real sense of gathering momentum here, a sense that God is putting things into place in preparation for something big.

There is also a growing call for the "grass roots" side of revival too - the relational, incarnational work of being among people in Jesus' name.

I'm feeling drawn to both aspects, but not sure how they connect just yet!

One Way Ticket

This is it. This is my last full week in my current post. After 6 years in parish ministry in the UK, I'm taking a sabbatical in Canada with a community of Christians who meet to pray in all kinds of creative ways. This will involve such things as laptop DJing, digital art, improvised worship, prayer and intercession and so on.

I'm looking forward to a change of scene, of pace, and of focus for a while. As well as being a positive step in itself, it's also a chance to think about the future. It's time to step back and have a fresh look at things.

After that I have no idea what will happen. As things stand I'm heading to Canada on a one way ticket, without a job or a home to come back to. It feels a bit like this ...

This trip captures everything that Pilgrim's Progress blog has been about in its 3 years. Living every day with a desire to be in God's house, but until that day finally comes, to journey with that glorious destination in mind, to live intentionally, and to seek to live by what is REAL. I've fallen far short of this too often, but it remains my goal.

Psalm 84 captures it ...

Blessed are those whose stronghold[1] is in you
In whose hearts are pilgrim highways.
They grow in warrior courage
Till each of them appears before God in Zion.

Notes:
[1] Stronghold. Translates a word that means refuge, place of strength.
[2] Warrior Courage. The Hebrew word commonly translates as "army", "valour" or "might".

P.S. Pilgrim's Progress will keep running - that's the beauty of the web - I can update it from anywhere, and I hope to post some of the art & music that emerges from my involvement with the folks over there.

Music for Easter Part 1

Three tunes for Easter - a couple are from animations which are too large to post unfortunately. The three below focus on the story up to the crucifixion. I will post some resurrection ones soon.

I've really felt drawn in to the journey of Jesus in a fresh way this year, and some of the the moods and scenes of that journey have suggested some musical ideas, which are posted here.

I Have Desired To Eat This Meal With You (96K MP3; 4 mins; 3.5MB) TThe Agony of Christ (96K MP3; 4mins; 3.5MB) It Is Finished (96K MP3; 1:30; 1.4MB) Right click and select "Save Target As..." Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

Staring at the Son

But as each of us looks at the glory of the Lord with our faces uncovered,
We are transformed to be like the one we look at,
becoming more glorious each time we look.
All this is the work of the Lord, who is the Spirit.
(2 Cor 3:18, paraphrased)

St Ignatius Goes Digital

 

Three perspectives on a well-known story, the woman caught in adultery in John 8. I've taken some liberty with the details of the story in order to recreate what strikes me as the essence of the scene. I don't know where the comic book idea came from, except that it makes it easier to create strong characters and a punchy visual style.

Where would you put the camera in the above scene? (As it's created in 3D software, it can go anywhere you like!) Where do we "put the camera" when we read a particular story in the gospels? And why do we put it there in that story? Who are we identifying with? Standing in judgement upon? Do we feel part of it or are we an onlooker?

A friend suggested that to engage theology and visual arts in this kind of conversation was to do "visual theology". I love that idea! The visual and the theological journeys are intertwined, and each enhances, informs and refines the other. The process of asking "what does this look like" is a wonderfully rich and challenging journey which gets me deeper into the text than a purely intellectual process ever could.

Maybe this is a kind of Ignatian spirituality for a digital age?

Prayer for the New Year #3

The next line from the Northumbria prayer (click here) is:

Lord, I will trust you,
Help me to journey beyond the familiar
and into the unknown

The image posted a couple of days ago fits perfectly, so here it is again. This time, a new tune to go with it:

The Voyage of St Brendan (96K MP3; 8:20 mins; 5.4MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

I often say that the last 6 years of ordained ministry have been one long voyage into the unknown, but that isn't the whole story. I realise I have surrounded myself with all kinds of comforts along the way, "safe places" if you like, where it is too easy to hide from the real world!

But that call is coming to me again from somewhere across the sea ... "come and follow me" ...

So, at the doorway of another year, a prayer ...

The year ahead stretches before us like the ocean
Wild, untamed, unknown.
May our trust in Him deepen enough
To climb aboard his purpose for us,
And let his current carry us deeper into him,
Into a life that really counts.

Pray it for me too!

Prayer for the New Year #2

Continuing to meditate on the Northumbria Community prayer, the next line to jump out is a question intended for the reader's own reflection:

Do I still yearn for Your glory to lighten on me?

I long for it again. So, a prayer for you, for me:

May the brilliant glory of Christ
Be seen in his body, the church, again.
And, may we, as broken vessels indwelt by the Light
Make visible his brightness.

A Prayer for the New Year #1

On a personal level, the Northumbria prayer in the previous post (click here) gathers up all of my prayers for the journey ahead in 2008. Taking a phrase at a time, perhaps for a week, seems like a great focus for personal prayer.

As I was praying this morning, a little song popped into my head. I decided to try and record it, and here's the result:

To be Yours Alone (96K MP3; 1:10 mins; 980KB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

So, using some words from the Northumbria Prayer ...

Focus my mind and heart upon you,
My attention always upon you without alteration ...

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven ...

So, at the doorway of another year, a prayer ...

May your spirit be tuned to the sounds of heaven:
The Father's affirming voice;
The Son's life-giving word;
The Spirit's prompting whisper.

Pray it for me too!

Be Born In Us Today

"Be born in us today ... come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel."

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone
and give you a heart of flesh. (Eze 36:26).

This is my prayer for us over the Christmas season, that He will be born in us a bit more, and in a broken world.

And I ask specially for more faith that the hard, stony, resistant bits of my heart, of your heart, and our of world will be transformed by His living, incarnate presence.

Have a great Christmas and New Year.

I Will Believe You For My Future

We heard this morning that a local minister, known well to many of us, died after suffering a massive brain haemorrhage while leading a church service yesterday. As another year draws to a close and another one beckons, this renews my determination to live significantly, and make each day count.

The following prayer "found me" last night - I was browsing, apparently at random, through Celtic Daily Prayer, looking for some words to close the day.

Lord, I will trust You,
Help me to journey beyond the familiar
and into the unknown.

Give me the faith to leave old ways
and break fresh ground with you.

Christ of the mysteries, can I trust you
to be stronger than each storm in me?

Do I still yearn for Your glory to lighten on me?

I will show others the care You've given me.

I determine amidst all uncertainty
always to trust.

I choose to live beyond regret
and let You recreate my life.

I believe You will make a way for me
and provide for me
if only I trust You
and obey.

I will trust in the darkness and know
that my times are still in your hand.

I will believe You for my future,
chapter by chapter, until all the story is written.

Focus my mind and my heart upon You,
my attention always on You without alteration.

Strengthen me with Your blessing
and appoint me to the task.

Teach me to live with eternity in view.

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven.

Feed me,
and, somehow,
make my obedience count for You.

© Northumbria Community (from Celtic Daily Prayer p197-9)

Facebook & Postmodern Loneliness #2

In a world where more and more of our lives are conducted online, in a sprawling  network of virtual communities, how are we to find true connectedness? The kind that often hurts but the only kind which really satisfies the deep inner places? The kind that gets behind the masks and down to the places in us that long for real connectedness? In the image above I've tried to capture the light and dark side of this - the need and the fear, the anticipation and the hesitation.

But this isn't really about Facebook, or postmodernity, is it? It's really the same old thing - the messy business of daring to show our true colours to others. Because to do so is to hand them the power to treat kindly or cruelly what they see.

And contemporary virtual connectedness, I fear, is too often about keeping people at a distance, rather than about making real connections. About showing others a carefully constructed presentation of ourselves which is designed to be liked, affirmed, and included.

I've posted about this many times, probably because it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, is to let others cross the line, past the mask. Maybe you find this too.

I'm not envious of those who have 1000+ "friends" on Facebook. Honestly.

What I'm looking for, what we're all looking for in our own way, is "US" ... we are tired of "I".

Feeling Small Again

An email conversation with a friend this week reminded me again how small we are against the backdrop of an awesome God. In charismatic circles you sometimes get the sense that God should seem close all the time, and that failing to feel close to God is a sign that something's wrong. I think my friend is wrestling with this tension - I wrestle with it daily too.

On paper, we know that it's normal not to feel God close all the time, but I still think we miss it, because in our spirit, we know we were made for intimacy with him.

This journey of knowing God is a journey to the end of time and beyond, but I always long to experience a more intimate walk with him too.

I think this was all in my mind as I came up with this glitchy ambient drum & bass tune using a few famous vocal samples:

Journey to the End of Time (96K MP3; 12 mins; 9.5MB) Higher quality version available on request for non-commercial use in Christian worship, mission etc.

Lord, this tune is my prayer for everyone who is feeling a bit lost in your vastness and would like to sense your closeness again.

Facebook and Postmodern Loneliness

Have you been sucked in to Facebook yet? Its a great way to get back in touch with old friends. It's great for a bit of fun. It's great for a lot of things. I live alone, as many of people do in our culture. I love the way Facebook is helping me put my life story together, and helping me reconnect with old friends, and have little fun moments in the middle of the day.

Someone was burbling away on the One programme yesterday about "Wikinomics" - the power of collaboration in a Facebook generation. He said that MySpace has 200 million subscribers worldwide, Facebook has about 80 million.

WHY IS THIS? What are we looking for?

Part of me is still searching for a particular kind of vulnerable, authentic community which I can call a spiritual home. The kind of vulnerable peer relationships where you can't hide, or pretend. The kind of place where authentic and close relationships are seen as the key to growth, maturity, joy and freedom. Letting people close enough to annoy and irk us, and get under our skin, but also to mirror back the real us.

I already have this to some degree in a growing number of close friendships, but I can still hide the real me too easily, and I do.

My hunch is that too many of us are lonely, and are searching for more connectedness, and we know it will cost us something to find it. Perhaps the price is our freedom, our reputation, our autonomy.

A friend said to me at Greenbelt, as we sat outside the Organic Beer tent watching people, "I know what's missing from the church - living together in real community."

How can we, the people of God, live more like this, and model it for a lonely, disconnected culture?

Setting Out Again

I called this image "Coming of Age" when I did it earlier today, but on a second look, it's also about setting out day by day to follow that inner urging that is God's call. I don't think I've ever felt fully equipped, fully ready, or fully trained, but I do believe that it matters somehow, and that it's all heading somewhere.

But where? I cannot say where, to what, or to whom. But something inside says that it leads to Him. He was there at the journey's beginning, and he will be there at its ending, whatever end that might be.

The words of the following poem were part of why I said "yes", and why I am here today.

"I know that I am called
The message was quite clear
and yet I cannot see the how, the why.

I feel so small, so weak
so ill-equipped for such a task.

And yet I am prepared to say YES
and undertake the risk
and enter the unknown,
Responding to the call,
Trustfully treading my way
the only way that leads to life - to HIM."
(Sr. Theresa Margaret)

"Your men will follow you to whatever end, my Lord."
(Glamdring to King Theoden, just before the battle of Helm's Deep)

Secret Place (updated)

The secret place is not just a place of retreat and rest. It is also a place where we go to remember what matters. In the secret place, we are reminded who we are, and who our God is. It is not an escape from reality. It is the place where reality begins.

We are drawn there again and again to be taught to listen, to see the world through his eyes, and to be reminded that no matter how fierce the storm is, that all the universe is swallowed up in His endlessness. And in that place we are blessed, and stilled, and made ready to face the world again.

More than once in the last while, a door has unexpectedly opened into the secret place, and I've emerged with a renewed perspective. Maybe God's trying to teach me something?

Jesus said, "when you pray, go into the inner room[1]", unseen by others, and pray to the God who sees, and rewards (Matt 6:6).

Later on, he talked about those who "bring treasure out of the 'treasure room'[2]"  old and new treasures.

So here's the thing ... this secret place is a place we go to seek treasure, and when we find it (or it finds us), we're to bring it back out with us into the world.

May you find yourself in the secret place today.

Notes

[1] Greek word means "inner room" or "storeroom, where valuables are stored.
[2] Greek means "treasure room", where treasure is kept.

Connectedness and Completion

This is my most recent image. On the surface it's about two people meeting for the first time, and wondering what they might find in each other. As someone commented to me, you can see in their posture a mixture of "anticipation and hesitation".

But I think it's about more than that. For me, it's about a human longing for connectedness and completion. And the whole relationship\marriage\sex discussion is really about those two things, deep down.

So it was refreshing to find Rob Bell's latest book, "Sex. God" was written about exactly this. The simplest and most energising account of sexuality and spirituality I have read.

So I'll continue this post in Rob Bell style now.

One sentence per paragraph.

But it's easy to grasp.

Seriously, his message is so simple. We were made to be fully alive and fully connected to God and his creation, to each other, and to ourselves, and relationships, marriage, sex and so on point us towards the new creation in which everything and everyone is perfectly united and connected once again in God.

But we're not there yet.

Which is why the "What We Believe" on Rob Bell's church website is refreshingly entitled "Narrative Theology Statement" - God and his people on the move towards the completion of all things. I was reminded painfully yesterday of my own incompleteness, but of God's standing right there with me in the pain of it. And the epilogue of Sex.God is about a broken marriage. We're not there yet.

Connectedness and completion. When we peel back the anticipation and hesitation, and all the different layers of attraction, that's what these two above are really looking for, what we're all longing for, and what the broken world around us is crying out for.

Healing Waters #2

In my work I keep meeting people whose lives are full of holes - I'm one of them! In the back of my mind is a question - Lord, what do you see when you look at this person? What would they be like if the tide came in, bringing grace and mercy, and taking away the rubbish?

And how can we as your people be part of bringing that tide into the broken people around us?

Desert Stream

I'm trying to find one of these at the moment - maybe you are too?

You Are My Rock

I don't normally put Bible verses on pictures - partly to avoid creating cheesy Christian posters by accident - but also because it's better if the image speaks for itself. But I'll make an exception here because the words are simple and really add something to the image I think.

Definitely feel like I'm "in the clouds" at the moment - a lot going on and it doesn't all make sense, but in a very real way, there's a sense of something solid underneath it all, and that must be the Rock - it's of course partly coming through "a little help from my friends" in the words of the song, but every help and strength at the moment is itself built upon the Rock. I don't think I would make it otherwise!

A Shadow Of My Future Self

 

This was prompted by an email from a friend who's working through a lot of stuff right now. As I read it, some words popped into my mind (a paraphrase of Romans 8:18) and I've put them into this animation.

It's a play on words - we normally say "I'm a shadow of my former self" but Christian hope flips this round and says the best is yet to come.

It brings together the tension between God's promise that one day he will complete the work he began in us, but the painful wait in the meantime!

(Please note this animation requires Flash version 8 or later. The animation will detect what version you are running and advise you accordingly. Click here to get the Flash v9 player.)

HE IS RISEN!

I can't quite express what I feel about the resurrection of Jesus this year ... a mixture of joy, hope, wonder, of being part of a living present reality, and a sense that things really can change.

Two new animations ... Click on the images to view animations.

1) "Friday to Sunday" (requires Flash 6+; about 775K)
2) "Resurrection" (requires Quicktime; about 2.7MB)

The Long Descent

Can we begin to enter into what Jesus went through?

(Click here for a bigger version.)

Lift Up the Cross

It's that time of year again ... once again the Cross is looming large. Last year the big thing was "by his stripes we are healed". This year it seems to be "When I am lifted up, I will draw all people to myself."

I know that whatever we do, whether inherited or emerging or pioneering or something else, it's all about leading people to encounter the crucified and risen Jesus. And if that happens, somehow the rest will take on its true perspective.

I'm becoming more and more convinced that the world does not need "professional" leaders, but rather leaders in whose lives the Cross & resurrection of Jesus are seen to be powerfully at work - through our weakness, brokenness and "unfinishedness". Leaders who will make it their aim to keep pointing people to Jesus, who refuse to gather a following for themselves, who are content to be signposts.

"Don't talk about it. The rose doesn't have to propagate its perfume. It just gives it forth and people are drawn to it. Don't talk about it. Live it. And people will come to see the source of your power." (Ghandi)

In the image, there are about 56,000 people in the crowd. I believe a time is coming when many, many more will be gathered in.

More creative stuff to come I think.

Waiting

I have SO many questions at the moment. Something needs to change in my situation but I'm not entirely sure what it is. I'm waiting for God to do someTHING, someTIME, but what? When? All I know is that something inside says "something isn't right" and "there is more" but what am I waiting for and when will it happen?

Know the feeling?

Seems God's people are world leaders in waiting. Just flick through the Psalms:

I am still confident of this
That I will see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Be strong, take heart and WAIT for the Lord.
(Ps 27)

OK, Lord, I'm waiting. For you. For something to happen. Sometime ... I'm waiting. I'm looking at you to see what you will do. I'm waiting ...

P.S. One of the main Hebrew verbs for "to wait" also means "to hope" but that's another post!
P.P.S "Wait" and "Hope" together occur 55 times in the Psalms (a range of contexts but you get the idea!)

Still No Turning Back

Another place I hope to discover one day. I think I know where to begin looking! It's definitely somewhere in the Scottish Highlands (there is a technical reason for this - see below if you're into that stuff).

This post follows from the previous post - "No Turning Back". After a lot of recent heart searching, I've been encouraged by events in the last week or two that suggest there is no better place for me to be at the moment than right here. It is certainly the furthest "out the boat" I've ever been, and it continues to keep me close to my limits, but it is also full of many great opportunities. If I was to leave now, I would miss out on so much.

So in one sense we can't turn back, because time marches forward, and certain choices cannot or should not be undone. But in another sense we can turn back, and attempt to recreate life as it was before. It may of course be right to do this in certain situations, but not because we want an easy life. Jesus referred to this second kind - no-one who puts their hand to the plough and turns back is fit for the Kingdom of heaven.

In a previous post I talked about the "escape fantasies" that come when life is tough - places we create in our heads which we would love to escape to - life with all our favourite things, and all the tough stuff removed. Maybe this "Lost Glen" image is a projection of this fantasy.

A New Wine speaker once said that the only way to really fail is to quit. Deep inside I know that is true. So once again, for another week, in God's strength I pray I won't turn back, and I pray you'll have the courage to "keep on keeping on" too, whatever path you find yourself called to walk.

(Techie bits - the landscape is generated by fractal mathematical formulae in a piece of software called GeoControl which mimics nature's geological processes. The software is able to model different kinds of erosion, rock types etc, and one preset was called Scottish Highlands. I think they've got it pretty close!)

No Turning Back

This image is dedicated to all my friends who are pioneer ministers and to anyone who has set off into the unknown in answer to the Spirit's prompting.
(Click on the image to see a much bigger version)

No turning back ... a conversation with a friend last week whose path is difficult at the moment reminded me of it again. And yesterday, this image kind of "happened". It began life as something else, but it began to speak to me about what my life has felt like in recent years.

Would I have done things differently? Maybe. But I'm here now, you're here now, and there really is no going back.

"But knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back."
(Robert Frost)

"Abraham obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."
(Heb 11)

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose hearts are pilgrim pathways."
(Ps 84)

"I do not tell you what might have happened, only what did happen"
(Aslan, in "The Horse and his Boy")

Global Warning

So it's really happening. According to the best and latest report - the planet really is warming up dangerously fast. It makes all these little changes seem more urgent somehow.

God's Hammer-Stroke

It's that animated bloke again ... but I think this time it's me in disguise :)
(Make sure you watch it right to the end to get the whole thing)

Do we ever come to the end of God's refining and character building this side of heaven ... or maybe it seems a bit drawn out because I'm just not getting it! Or maybe something else is going on.

This training regime started in earnest about 9 years ago and it's never really let up for long. Hmmm. OK Lord I'm listening ...

Blessed are those whom God brings into line
So do not think God's training program is beneath you.
For he hurts, be he binds up.
He breaks in pieces, but his hands also rebuild.
(Job 5:17-18; based on LHI Hebrew Interlinear).

But it's all for love ...

The one Yahweh loves, he corrects,
As a father does with a son he delights in.
(Prov 3:12; based on LHI Hebrew Interlinear)

Once again, this turns out to be a well-trodden path (funny that!) back here and here ...

(Flash animation; 850K download - click on "New Animation" to view)

Me & My Shadow #2

A second portrait (again using Poser 7) to complement yesterday's one. Take both portraits together, and it asks a question about relationships. How do two people really get to know each other, when part of them is in the light, and part is in shadow?

I'm not sure about your experience, but the journey towards knowing and being known in vulnerable relationships is much more challenging to than the journey into church leadership. I can float through the latter in professional mode.

But in good relationships, the masks have to come down sooner or later if we are to discover the one thing that matters most - intimacy - which I suspect is the one thing that most of us both desire and fear the most.

Me and My Shadow

This image came together in only a few minutes (using Poser) and it spoke to me right away. His face is partly lit and partly in shadow. Just like our real selves - some of it is known, some of it has yet to come to light and be seen for what it is.

I spent time with some friends today trying to answer some of my big life questions. Although I was trying to hard not to be impatient for answers and solutions, I couldn't help longing for things to click into place, because a lot seems to depend on it at the moment. But this process will not be rushed or hurried up. The journey into the truth about ourselves must happen gradually.

I am also convinced that the more we know God, the more we will come to know ourselves, since for the Christian, our lives are now hidden in him. So for now, I will seek to know him a little better, and just maybe, as I journey towards him, I might find some answers too.

"Your real new self will not come as long as you are looking for it.
It will come when you are looking for Him."
(C.S. Lewis)

Wait a minute ... ah yes, I have been here before (click here for previous post)!

The Unforced Rhythms of Grace

I love this phrase in Peterseon's translation of Matthew 11:28-31 ... "the unforced rhythms of grace". It sums up everything I long for this year - in my own life and the lives of people I know, my relationships, my serving others in a busy church, my dealings with people of any stage of faith.

Click on the image or the "new animation icon". (It requires Flash 6 or later, and it's about 443K)

Places I Hope To Find #1

I hope I discover a place like this one day. For now, it only exists in my mind (and with a little help from the usual art software, on screen too!).

For me, the image expresses a desire to find stillness in the thick of the inward and outward swirl of daily living.

What, if anything, does the image say to you?

My Times are in Your Hands

HAPPY NEW YEAR! The bongs are just fading away ...

This image came out of my turn-of-the-year mullings ... peering into another year with its unknowns, looking back over a year I haven't really processed yet.

And yet, in the thick of it, without being "fluffy", there's a mysterious quiet confidence that my God is more than enough for me, even when life is too big, which it is right now, and that our lives really are held in his hands.

Whatever happens on your voyage in 2007, I pray you will be conscious of his hands holding it all together. Perhaps you can pray this for me too!

Peoplewatching

A bit of fun - playing with some new 3D software (Poser) that allows very lifelike human characters to be created. I'm a people watcher at heart ... I'm endlessly fascinated by human beings and the ways they tick and the ways they relate ... and I'm having great fun bringing some of those observations to life!

What's your interpretation of the above scene? My interpretation is given away by the title, but I wonder what you see?

(P.S. Have had no broadband for 3 weeks hence the lack of postings last month)

Breakthrough Part 2

Sometimes I would love to just fly away to some nice safe, secure, secluded place, and leave all the messy realities of life behind. I guess we can all relate to that. This following image came to me as I was meditating on Psalm 55 this morning:

I said, “O that he would give me the wings of a dove”
I would fly away and be at rest.
Yes, I would flee far away and escape
And take up lodging in the desert.
(Ps 55:6-8, translated with help of Lexham Hebrew Interlinear)

OK it's an eagle, but cut me some slack here :) But then I remembered last week's mullings on John 17 ...

My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.
(Jn 17:15)

So it seems that on the front line is God's call for now. As Jesus had earlier prayed ...

Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me ...
(Jn 17:11)

Final word to the Vineyard song, "You Are the Sovereign I AM":

"In your name, there is strength to remain"

If you're in the thick of it right now, may you find the strength to stand your ground. Pray that for me too! I can't help longing for a mountain escape though - somewhere above the clouds where there is unbroken sunshine.

Breakthrough

"What's the point of diagnosis without cure?" I shouted at God recently i.e. why show me the difficult stuff in me (or others, the church, the world) without any sense of how to make progress? Seemed almost cruel.

The answer seemed to come partly through John 16:12-13 - there was too much to tell all at once, but the Spirit would accompany them into the truth, a bit at a time, when they were ready.

And so I wait, but I can't help longing and asking for breakthroughs, esp. in the things that I've known about for a while, not just for myself, but for others too.

Is there a big rock in your life you just can't see past right now? What would it look like if you could step back and see it from a different angle?

Journey's End

I can only imagine ... not sure why I'm thinking about heaven in these last two posts. Maybe it's partly because I'm conducting a young child's funeral tomorrow. It's made me rethink a few things.

But it's not just that - I don't think life is ever going to settle into a nice predictable pattern for me. There's too much "pilgrim" in my blood for that. I think there's been a sense of disorientation in the background since I went to train for Anglican ordination 6 years ago, and more so since I heard the call of God to "seek him in the wild places". Living without many certainties, and with continual change does make you think about the big questions more, and with a consciousness of living in the light of eternity. Is this part of what it means for the body of Christ to be a "prophetic and pilgrim" people?

“The prophetic vision of life was radically different from the norm. Theologians use the Latin term sub specie aeternitatis to describe it. The prophets saw human life ‘under the gaze of eternity’, and this perspective led them to a fundamentally different evaluation of human life. What others saw as monumental, the prophets saw as miniscule, and vice versa” (New Dictionary of Biblical Theology)

144,000

I can only imagine ...

Still Carried - Still in Pursuit of REAL

I've heard it said that you can live for 40 days without food, 3 days without water, but you can't live for a moment without hope. Well, living without broadband is worse still :) Just kidding - it's been quite nice to break the routine.

Well I'm here, in the new post ... it's been a whirlwind, and I've scarcely caught up with myself. In faith, I look back to all the signs that led me here, and say I believe something stronger is underneath it all ... that all of this is part of a much bigger picture which is simply too big to grasp.

A reworking of an old image seems appropriate!