Pilgrim's Progress

Facebook & Postmodern Loneliness #2

In a world where more and more of our lives are conducted online, in a sprawling  network of virtual communities, how are we to find true connectedness? The kind that often hurts but the only kind which really satisfies the deep inner places? The kind that gets behind the masks and down to the places in us that long for real connectedness? In the image above I've tried to capture the light and dark side of this - the need and the fear, the anticipation and the hesitation.

But this isn't really about Facebook, or postmodernity, is it? It's really the same old thing - the messy business of daring to show our true colours to others. Because to do so is to hand them the power to treat kindly or cruelly what they see.

And contemporary virtual connectedness, I fear, is too often about keeping people at a distance, rather than about making real connections. About showing others a carefully constructed presentation of ourselves which is designed to be liked, affirmed, and included.

I've posted about this many times, probably because it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, is to let others cross the line, past the mask. Maybe you find this too.

I'm not envious of those who have 1000+ "friends" on Facebook. Honestly.

What I'm looking for, what we're all looking for in our own way, is "US" ... we are tired of "I".

Facebook and Postmodern Loneliness

Have you been sucked in to Facebook yet? Its a great way to get back in touch with old friends. It's great for a bit of fun. It's great for a lot of things. I live alone, as many of people do in our culture. I love the way Facebook is helping me put my life story together, and helping me reconnect with old friends, and have little fun moments in the middle of the day.

Someone was burbling away on the One programme yesterday about "Wikinomics" - the power of collaboration in a Facebook generation. He said that MySpace has 200 million subscribers worldwide, Facebook has about 80 million.

WHY IS THIS? What are we looking for?

Part of me is still searching for a particular kind of vulnerable, authentic community which I can call a spiritual home. The kind of vulnerable peer relationships where you can't hide, or pretend. The kind of place where authentic and close relationships are seen as the key to growth, maturity, joy and freedom. Letting people close enough to annoy and irk us, and get under our skin, but also to mirror back the real us.

I already have this to some degree in a growing number of close friendships, but I can still hide the real me too easily, and I do.

My hunch is that too many of us are lonely, and are searching for more connectedness, and we know it will cost us something to find it. Perhaps the price is our freedom, our reputation, our autonomy.

A friend said to me at Greenbelt, as we sat outside the Organic Beer tent watching people, "I know what's missing from the church - living together in real community."

How can we, the people of God, live more like this, and model it for a lonely, disconnected culture?

You'll Never Walk Alone: The Need to Belong

If I had a fiver for each time I've heard "new monasticism" recently, I'd be rich. Time will tell how much of it is fad or trend, and how much is the emergence of a widespread move of God's Spirit.

What draws me is the call to a consistent spiritual life that works through thick and thin, sustained by disciplines, some kind of rule of life, promises and so on.

But aside from that, I believe it's a call to a strongly relational life, not a solitary, self-contained spiritual existence. It bothers me that Western society is becoming more solitary and isolated (and lonely), and Christians are not exempt from this. We need to belong somewhere, even to a dispersed community held together by shared values and practices.

Two interesting articles here and here. Also see Odyssey blog about the formation of a new Order of Mission (not the same as the St Thomas Sheffield one). (Image from here)

An Unexamined Life ...

"At the time it was hard to see much good in it. Looking back it made me into a new person – I learnt how to handle difficult situations, behave diplomatically and work under stress. Going through hardship, while not nice, was very searching." (Will Collis, one of the participants in the series "Escape to the Legion")

Going through hardship, while not nice, was very searching. Echoes of Hebrews 12:11? It was partly Escape to the Legion and the TV series "Bad Lads Army" and that set me thinking about this.

Recent struggles and the soul-searching that comes with it have highlighted a few things in my own life ... maybe you can relate to this in some way:

Uppermost in my mind is a preference for comfort. I find it hard to live a comfortable life and live on the edge for God at the same time. The aims of the two are so different. But I naturally prefer the former ... that's what my own hardships have revealed. Ouch. But they have also revealed a mysterious determination to pursue the latter. It's a daily battle.

"An unexamined life is not worth living." (Socrates) Growing in maturity always begins with truthfully confronting ourselves as we are, as unpleasant as that can be. It might not take a month in the Foreign Legion to show us our true mettle - it will more likely be our daily battles or struggles.

Tidy Your Room!

Some people get to go and see them live. I'll have to settle for the book ... much-blogged about and quoted, it's become a must-read.

I found it half price in the local supermarket, and bought it as a birthday present for myself, now that I'm halfway to heaven (work it out!).

Maybe this book is Bono's kind of blog, collected in a hard cover, and not on a screen. In his Foreword (which is as far as I've got as I only finished "Life of Pi" yesterday) he describes the book as an "opportunity to look back into the house of my various lives and tidy my room".

Much like your average blog?

The Monastery

I was really touched by "The Monastery" on BBC2 ... I'd love to know how others found it ... I know blogworld has been buzzing with it recently.

The honesty, humour, the unobtrusive camera work made it easy to watch, but most of all it was the profound encounters of some of the men, mostly Tony, which really struck a chord. Tony's final interview with his spiritual mentor, Brother Francis, spoke so powerfully.

I hope and pray that many people around the country will have been roused to listen to their spiritual hunger and take some new steps to follow its leading, as it has fed me too.

Thw Worth Abbey website is well worth visiting, including a helpful section on lectio divina (Spiritual reading).

Tired of Shallow Consumerianity

"Christian Spiritual Formation is really hammered out in the harsh realities of ordinary life—ear infections and broken arms and bosses filled with guile and stock market slumps and neighbors who deceive. Hence, these are the very places where our hardest study and most careful work in Spiritual Formation must go on."
(Richard Foster in his article on The Ooze).

And now, if you'll forgive me, a rant:

1. I'm tired of marketing for Christian products (books, worship CDs, conferences) that is dishonest and worldly and full of shallow promises that only fuel consumerist spending habits and offer false shortcuts to true worship and holiness.
2. I'm tired of worship albums that promise to lift me into the presence of God if I buy and listen to them.
3. I'm tired of Christian books that claim they'll transform my life.

I speak to myself as much as anyone - I'm a sucker for good packaging, but I'm tired of letting myself be manipulated by shallow consumerism sprinkled with holy water, which is what too much Christian marketing amounts to. For related thoughts, check out Richard White's blog.

Does anyone else ever feel like having a good clearout and just giving stuff away?

Friday Night at the Movies

Apparently a "kiddult" is an adult that enjoys kids movies ... looking forward to Shrek 2. If you have a spare £15, the Shrek DVD has the excellent "Shrek 3D" movie short on it - great fun!!

... life is so intense at the moment I've got to take time out ... tomorrow I have to talk to a grieving family to arrange a funeral. Also 8 talks to prepare this month!

It is a good season for "Friday Night" movies, depending on your taste ... The Day After Tomorrow is good escapism (with a slightly cheesy, but actually quite sound moral at the end) ... Troy also worth a look. Also Harry Potter, if you're into that.

If half the population is watching these too, apart from being light relief, it's another way to connect with people.

Anything else worth a look?

Alienation, Loneliness and Connectedness

I'm fascinated at the moment by themes of alienation, loneliness and connectedness - I believe these are central preoccupations in our fragmented culture. Here's another image in the Postmodern Loneliness series - more to come I think. Please click on the thumbnail for a larger version.

I'd love to hear of any ideas for further art on this theme.

Postmodern Loneliness

Another image: Postmodern Loneliness #1 . Click on thumbnail for larger version.

Inspired by a comment made by sociologist Zygmunt Bauman: "Having abandoned all pretence of universality ... that 'liberation' left the lonely prisoner free to build his own prison." (from "Life in Fragments": Essays in Postmodern Ethics, p75)