Pilgrim's Progress

The Search for the Real Self, Part 2

Where do we look to see a reflection of our real selves? Thank God that in vulnerable relationships we can mirror back something of each other's real self, but we can only offer a partial reflection at best.

At some point we will have to seek out the Father's face to learn the rest. Or let the Father seek us out. And in that secret place, unmasked and unadorned, my we dare to look him in the eye and catch a glimpse of who we truly are.

Doth any here know me? ...
Who is it that can tell me who I am?
(Shakespeare's King Lear: Act 1 Scene 4)

"We live in a fallen world, we are fallen. We cannot love as we would even those dearest to us. If we could, perhaps they would make idols of us ... we all must eventually turn to the Master Affirmer, God the Father, for our true identity, our real authentic selves. He heals the unaffirmed by sending his affirming Word. And we all must receive this ... we are all unaffirmed in the higher sense until we find ourselves complete in Him."
(Leanne Payne in "Restoring the Christian Soul, p45)

"this tearing off the masks until the naked defenceless face shows itself and is seen, is more often than not described by the work of love."
(Zygmunt Bauman; Life in Fragments, p59)

The Search for the Real Self

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who know they are broken, and those who don't. To the former, a word of encouragement. To the latter, may you realise before it is too late.

If you know you are broken, and you are also in Christ, there is something else you must know. That every part of you is now in Christ, even those parts which are the most broken and wounded, not just those transformed parts that shine with new creation light.

If we have we gone over to Christ, from death to life, then he is our life now. And one day, when we join him in his resurrection glory, all that remains untransformed will finally be swallowed up by life.

But for now, in the in-between, we keep journeying towards our true selves by going deeper into Him.

"My spirit is one with His.
That is the whole place within me."
(Leanne Payne, paraphrased)

"Your real new self will not come as long as you are looking for it.
It will come when you are looking for Him."
(C.S. Lewis)

Plums and Clay Jars, Part 2

It's all happening. I'm off tomorrow to investigate a possible job. In addition, earlier on today, someone phoned to ask me to consider taking on a certain local parish. And at the same time, I've had some conversations with another local parish which might be able to offer an exciting post. They're all beyond me. But maybe, with God's enabling, any of them might just be within reach of where I am now.

I don't know how you react when faced with something that's beyond you. Mine is to mentally list all the flaws and weaknesses that disqualify me. But a few weeks ago, I'm sure in faith the following words came to me as I was mulling this over: "I am the Lord, who makes you competent".

It was only during last Sunday's sermon preparation that I found them. These words, about God making us competent, come just before the better known verses in 2 Corinthians about treasure in clay jars. Here's my attempt to translate them (Click here for a flow diagram of the text):

But we have such a confidence as this through Christ before God,
not that we are adequate in and of ourselves to think that anything comes from us,
but our competence is from God, who also made us competent as ministers of a new covenant, one not of the law, but of the Spirit. (2 Cor 3:4-6a, my translation)

I spoke with one potential new boss about this, and his reply was "At each step, God has always called me to something that is beyond me."

Who knows what will transpire? It begins tomorrow with a 250 mile drive to somewhere I've never been before. Whatever happens in coming months, I won't be all sorted out before it begins. Not all the rubble will be cleared, but soehow it seems possible to trust that I will be made competent to go and make a start.

Notes:
1. "Adequate"\"competence"\"made us competent" share a common Greek root - to be adequate\sufficient\competent\enough.
2. "Comes from us" ... a similar phrase to one in the "clay jars" passage (2 Cor 4:6-8) - the all-surpassing God is of God and "does not come from us". This is all about the source of the power that fuelled Paul's ministry. The point is that the clay jar, the earthen vessel merely contains a power that has its origins elsewhere, and that a ministry operating as God intended would leave people in no doubt about where the power was coming from, which means the brittleness of the clay jar would have to be made obvious. There's a scary thought!

Plums and Clay Jars

Today concludes two weeks of outreach activity in our parish. I for one have had many conversations where I've had a chance to share something of what it means to be a Christian day by day, and in return I've heard many others share their stories. My main task was running a prayer labyrinth (Click here for an online example). I was amazed at how many people were moved by it - some came and told me what had happened.

This is one example of the many ways God has taken us all as we are, and put us in places to bless others in Jesus' name. Human frailty and weakness, incompleteness and immaturity, brokenness and I-really-ought-to-be-more-holy-by-now-ness don't seem to be a barrier to being anointed for this work!

But we have this treasure in earthenware jars, so that [it might be plain] that this all-surpassing power is from God and does not come from us. (2 Cor 4:7, my translation)

A local church leader told me he often keeps a plum near his desk. It reminds him of a prayer he often prays as he sets off into the day ... P.L.U.M. - Please, Lord, Use Me.

I sometimes despair at how much rubble is lying round in my own heart: failed prayer and bible reading campaigns, unconquered habits, childish and wounded thought and behaviour patterns and so on. But the more rubble I see, the more God seems to want me to get on my feet and go to where he calls, to let others see what he's up to in me, and let him deal with the rubble in his own time.

Notes
1. "This treasure" is Paul's ministry (and ours too!)
2. Earthenware jars were cheap and very ordinary, and would not normally be used to contain treasure, but would be put to everyday use.